2023/2024 Football Thread ⚽️

Status
Not open for further replies.
372885245_1353879388574058_5217727176773497850_n.jpg


370206408_320460150378707_5667639577397641057_n.jpg


372990871_1699735460540933_7287356820626096461_n.jpg


371955098_670528121460852_4825461704225196308_n.jpg


371893866_1445645315978647_165146073963948955_n.jpg


371035882_202674496151608_5355562931995654971_n.jpg


372068901_825182749135646_7693581602756832113_n.jpg


372853006_1267791750538990_8003736162895803579_n.jpg
 

FOOTBALL​

🩺 Phys-ty shades of grey​

Screenshot_2023-08-31_at_17.16.31.jpg


A bawdy cheer went up in the grubby newsrooms of Britain’s tabloids this week as news broke of a steamy, tell-all memoir from a former Premier League physio.

The book spills the beans on a string of sexual encounters with sports stars including “two of the world's best tennis players, an England cricket star and rugby players”.

In one chapter, the “anonymous lady in white” describes how she was seduced by an England footballer during a massage, before another “equally famous” player joined them for a threesome.

It was pretty explosive stuff, and the red tops gobbled it up.

Screenshot_2023-08-31_at_17.17.45.jpg


Although judging by this line in the (self-published) book’s blurb, it sounds an awful lot like erotic fan fiction:

It features many big, strong, manly sportsmen who seduce her and have glorious sexual liaisons with her.

Bets are off, but we’re guessing it was written by a 55-year-old bloke called Kevin in the garage of his bungalow in Milton Keynes.
 

RUGBY​

💊 Elton gone​

unnamed__30_.jpg


With the Rugby World Cup just a week away, we were praying South Africa would hand a late call-up to the Upshot’s Wrong’un of the Year, Elton Jantjies.

On his last international tour, Elton abandoned the squad to run off with the team dietician, Zeenat Simjee.

The pair checked into a hotel where their loud shagging kept other guests awake, and they racked up a £1300 bill on food and booze then did a runner.

Elton has been quietly rebuilding his career since then, and was even called upon by South Africa as injury cover during the summer.

But any hopes of seeing Jantjies having a crack at the physios in France were dealt a cruel blow this week, as he tested positive for a banned bodybuilding drug.

If only he knew a good dietician…
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top