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2023/2024 Football/Soccer Thread ⚽️

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FOOTBALL​

😈 And when you’re old enough, we’ll get you a YNWA tattoo​


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When Cristiano Ronaldo returned to Man Utd two years ago, fans joyously heralded their golden boy “returning home”.

But if they were expecting cosy nights by an open fire, passing round the After Eights and flicking through photo albums, they were disappointed.

Following a decent first season, Ronaldo reacted like a stroppy three-year-old in Toys R Us after learning he wouldn’t be first choice striker.

He accused the club of “betraying” him, branded his teammates lazy, and when club legends Gary Neville and Rio Ferdinand had the audacity to speak out, he snarled “they’re not my friends”.

Since moving to Saudi, Ron has been firing shots at the club from the comfort of his gated compound, and he unleashed another petty barb last week as his wife Georgina shared a photo of their daughter in a Mo Salah Liverpool shirt.

Should go down well on Moss Side…
 
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FOOTBALL​

👑 Kyl switch​


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Only a year ago, Kylian Mbappe trousered an eye-watering new deal that granted him unprecedented control of Paris St Germain’s rotten kingdom.

But in the Qatari court, power is a fickle mistress, and after Mbappe agitated for a move to Madrid this summer, he was quickly stripped of his crown and banished to the leper colony.

These days, he is forced to train away from the first team squad along with 14 other “undesirables”.

The group of outcasts - including former Liverpool man Gini Wijnaldum and Argentine World Cup winner Leandro Paredes - posed for a photo the other day.

According to the Shot’s sources in Doha, the Qataris have informed puppet ruler Nasser Al-Khelaifi that Mbappe will not play at all this season unless he signs a new contract.

Kylian doesn’t seem too bothered though - after a week with the undesirables, he naffed off to Sardinia with a gaggle of bikini-clad influencers.
 

FOOTBALL​

🦅 First they came for Riyad Mahrez​


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Within minutes of Leicester’s relegation to the Championship, the vultures began to circle.

First Tottenham scooped up James Maddison, then Newcastle snaffled Harvey Barnes. Man United even nicked veteran defender Jonny Evans.

And naturally Man City couldn’t resist raiding them too. With the Foxes’ festering squad picked clean, the treble winners prised groundsman John Lewidge from the King Power Stadium this week.

Who’s next? The Shot hears dinner lady Barbara Welton is in Munich completing a medical with Bayern…
 
💉 Quick hits

👀 Peter Crouch claims he caught Coronation Street’s Ken Barlow (played by William Roache) staring at his wife’s bum at Waitrose.

☄️ At 111km/h, Chloe Kelly’s penalty in England’s shootout was more powerful than any goal in the Premier League last season.

☘️ Great video of rugby coach Ronan O’Gara giving the most Irish team talk while speaking in French. Je m’en fecking fou!

🏆 England are 3/1 favourites to win the Women’s World Cup.

🍏 Excellent Matt Busby story…

 
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