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2023/2024 Football/Soccer Thread ⚽️

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Couldn’t kick his own arse: Gary's Lineker plants the parsnip​

Plus: Gordon Ramsay's fake football career and Gazza wades into the Middle East peace process​


💬 Quote of the day​

“I haven't spoken to Alan Shearer since he criticised my book” - Michael Owen.


FOOTBALL​

🚗 Snatch of the day​

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Take a stroll down a quiet Leicestershire country lane, and the most excitement you can expect to encounter is a mangled fox corpse or a couple of pesky teenagers pilfering the honesty box outside a local farm shop.

But every once in a while on your rambles, you might stumble upon a randy England international planting the parsnip on the back seat of his Fiat Uno.

Speaking on a podcast, grandmothers’ favourite Gary Lineker recalled an impromptu “kiss and a cuddle” with his future wife Michelle while playing for Leicester.

“We were driving home from somewhere and we kind of went down a little country lane and parked up”, Gary explained. “As you do, ‘bam, bam, bam’, and it all steams up.”

“Suddenly we get a knock on the window and someone is going ‘Gary, we know you’re in there lad’. Talk about taking the wind out of your sails. I didn’t finish on that occasion!”

Probably didn’t help that he had “Gary Lineker LCFC” plastered on the side of the car…

FOOTBALL​

📺 Strip tease​

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FOOTBALL​

🤥 Ramsay’s fitba nightmares​

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Gordon Ramsay was roundly mocked this week after lamenting the time he was so skint he had to sell his Porsche to buy a house.

But it’s not the first time the potty-mouthed chef has been caught spouting drivel about his past.

In his early days of fame, Ramsay liked to brag that he’d played professionally for Rangers, even telling Desert Island Discs he’d notched up “three first team games” for the Scottish giants before a knee injury ended his career.

This turned out to be a complete lie, although Ramsey did have a 3 month trial for the club, popping up in the photo below alongside a young Ally McCoist…

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As for Gordon’s claim he was a “cut-throat left back in the mould of Stuart Pearce”, this was laid to rest by former teammate Derek Ferguson, who said: “he couldn’t even kick his own arse”.

FOOTBALL​

🎤 We’d like to dedicate this next track to William of Orange​

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Speaking of imposters in blue, you’ve probably seen the picture of South Korean pop group STAYC, who mistakenly wore Rangers shirts for a gig in Dallas, thinking it was the kit of local baseball side Texas Rangers.

But as Kim Jong Un slips on a Celtic jersey and hones his inter-ballistics on the JFK Memorial Plaza, there will be a few artists sweating at the Brit Awards.

Like rapper M.I.A., who posed in Andy Goram’s 1994/5 goalkeeper shirt for a photoshoot back in 2017.

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💉 Quick hits​

👬 When Andy Goram was diagnosed with mild schizophrenia, Rangers fans chanted: "there's only two Andy Gorams".

🚽 Former Rangers left back Celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay was once given a police caution for “cavorting naked” in the toilets at Green Park tube station.

🎩 Gary Lineker’s middle name is Winston.
📷 Just when his month couldn’t get any worse, France rugby coach Fabien Galthie was photographed sunbathing naked on a beach. He’s now suing the magazine.

🏏 England fielded a team made up entirely of thirtysomethings in yesterday’s defeat to Sri Lanka.
 
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