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2023/2024 Football/Soccer Thread ⚽️

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Everton if they had a proper goalscorer would not be underperformed like this. Same goes for Chelsea.

West Ham's had a complete renaissance so far this season post-declan rice

 
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Everton if they had a proper goalscorer would not be underperformed like this. Same goes for Chelsea.

West Ham's had a complete renaissance so far this season post-declan rice


Everton is purely because of lack of window activity and bad press probably pushing potential targets away.

Chelsea will start performing once the team gels, a lot of new incomings and all young.
 

Sticky-faced urchins: Wayne Rooney back in court​

Plus: Daniel Sturridge on the run and the West Ham prodigy turned criminal mastermind​


💬 Quote of the day​

“At 20 years old I was still drinking milk from my mother.” - Gianfranco Zola


FOOTBALL​

👨‍⚖️ A Roo beginning​

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When sketches emerged of Wayne Rooney looking like a bearded potato at the Wagatha Christie trial, everybody laughed.

But it turns out Wayne’s time in court had a striking effect on him.

In a new documentary about the trial, Wayne’s wife Coleen explains he became completely obsessed with the case, joining meetings with her lawyers and advising her defence team on lines of argument.

"Wayne started suggesting legal arguments that we should start running" recalled lawyer Jamie Hurworth, before clarifying that Wayne was "not a modern day Columbo."

Nevertheless, Coleen claims Wayne was so enthused by his time in court that he decided "he was then going to apply for law school".

Fair play, although his Twitter account won’t fill clients with hope.

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FOOTBALL​

🐶 Out of Lucci​

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If Wazza is looking to get his burgeoning legal career off the ground, he might find a client in former England teammate Daniel Sturridge.

For the past four years, Daniel has been embroiled in a legal battle with an LA rapper called Killa Fame, who claims Sturridge owes him £26,000.

Back in 2019, Sturridge offered the cash as a reward after his dog Lucci (not sure how that’s pronounced - both versions are awful) was stolen in a burglary of his home in LA.

Killa says he found and returned the Pomeranian to Sturridge, but the striker refused to cough up.

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After a year-long legal battle, a court in LA ordered the ex-Liverpool man to pay, but Daniel refused, insisting he already “met a young boy who found my dog and paid him a reward.”

Two years on, Killa Fame is still chasing his reward, and LA magistrates have now issued an arrest warrant for Sturridge

If only he knew a good lawyer…

FOOTBALL​

🏺 Citizen Kaine​

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West Ham has always been an old school cockney club. The sort of place where sticky-faced urchins kick severed cats heads across the terraces, and East End crime families lure fans into crooked gambling dens.

And it turns out that spirit lives on among the side’s former players.

While their London rivals send retired stars off to present the One Show, ex-Hammers are plotting heists of priceless Ming vases.

Former West Ham academy player Kaine Wright was arrested this week after trying to flog a "rare pomegranate vase from the Yongle Period (1403-1425AD)".

The £1.9million antique was stolen in a robbery at a Swiss museum in 2019, and was feared lost until one of Wright’s bumbling accomplices fired off an email to an auction house in Hong Kong asking for a valuation.

What would the Krays say?

FOOTBALL​

🧘 Oh don’t mind Daniel, he’s just cutting my toenails​

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Business meetings used to be dry, stuffy affairs where old men in blazers and cufflinks sipped tumblers of whisky and signed contracts with feather quills.

But in the age of casual cool, you’re more likely to meet a bloke with a mocha and a dressing gown than a cigar and a three-piece suit.

And then there are free-wheeling libertines like Tony Fernandes.

The ex-QPR and Lotus F1 owner posted a sweaty picture of himself on LinkedIn this week, with a caption explaining “I can have a massage and do a management meeting”.

💉 Quick hits​

🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿 As Argentina prepare for their World Cup semi final tonight, here’s an incredible clip of an Argentine fan breaking into fluent Welsh.

📉 After only playing one match all season, Nick Kyrgios now has no ATP tour points and has dropped out of the world rankings.

🧹 World number six Holger Rune has hired Boris Becker as his new coach.

🍿 Al Hilal announced Neymar’s season-ending ACL injury with a bizarre graphic of the striker writhing in pain.

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