2023/2024 Football/Soccer Thread ⚽️

[Infamous114]

 

[Infamous114]

Cold world

 

[dontdiedontkillanyone]

Quote of the day​ ​

“Managing a club is like making love to a mermaid... you should always be aiming for a top half finish” - Ian Holloway​

 

[dontdiedontkillanyone]

FOOTBALL​ ​

I’ll ask you the question again​ ​

When the ratings-chasers at Netflix unveiled their new Beckham documentary, we were braced for another mind-numbing PR puff piece.​

The closest you’d get to unvarnished reality would be a few shots of Brooklyn struggling to operate a ketchup bottle.​

But it turns out the new doc is a hard-hitting investigative thriller, with Becks turning full Jeremy Paxman as interrogator-in-chief.​

In one scene, Victoria earnestly describes her “very working class” upbringing, when David pokes his head round the door to tell her: “Be honest.”​

“I am being honest” she insists, before Becks puts the thumb screws on.​

“What car did your dad drive you to school in?”, he asks repeatedly as Posh squirms like an MP caught trousering cash from crooked developers.​

Eventually, she confesses: “my dad drove a Rolls Royce”.​

 

[dontdiedontkillanyone]

FOOTBALL​ ​

Feeble-minded individuals​ ​

As famed psychopath Joey Barton wheeled his tactics board into the Bristol Rovers dressing room last season, there were a few hopeful whispers that the terrifying gaffer had finally gone soft.​

Alongside tactical innovations like “Goalmouth action: none in ours, loads in theirs”, Joey had scrawled some cheerful slogans: “You’re unique”, “a one off” and “a true superstar”.​

But it turns out the effects of anger management therapy don’t last forever, and we’re sorry to report Joey is well and truly off the wagon.​

After a 2-0 loss to Peterborough, Barton let rip on injured midfielder Luke Thomas for the unspeakable crime of wandering out of position to make a tackle.​

“One idiotic young boy – I can’t even call him a man – has compromised the team with his behavioural standards,” Barton raged.​

“Unless we man up and absolutely eradicate these weak, feeble-minded individuals that are currently inside our unit, we won’t get promoted out of this division.”​

Might want to keep those post-match cigars in a locked drawer…​

 

[dontdiedontkillanyone]

FOOTBALL​ ​

It wasn’t like this in the movies​ ​

Jermaine Defoe always dreamed of the perfect wedding.​

Confetti outside the chapel, tin cans jangling behind the classic MG, snogging a bridesmaid while his new wife is dancing with her niece.​

So even when his whirlwind romance with beauty therapist Donna Tierney hit the rocks, Jermaine didn’t want to miss out on his big day.​

The former Spurs man convinced Donna to act out a sham wedding, and flogged the pictures to OK! magazine.​

When they eventually “divorced”, Jermaine was so desperate to relive the magic of that special day that he whisked off one of the wedding guests for a ill-fated fling.​

That ended in heartbreak too for poor Jez, but after crying himself to sleep watching Love Actually for the 17th time, you’ll be glad to hear he’s finally found someone who shares his appreciation for romance: wedding planner Paige.​

What could go wrong?​

 

[dontdiedontkillanyone]

Quick hits​ ​

From Wrexham’s nasty surprise to Nonce FC, we dissect the funniest stories of the week in our latest YouTube video.​

Until they beat Man United on Tuesday, Galatasaray hadn't won a single game on English soil in their 117 year history.​

 

[dontdiedontkillanyone]

 

[Blue_London]

A lot more matches at the big stadiums this season's.

I'm debating Chelsea Vs arsenal

 

[Blue_London]

Just like that we see why Arsenal want a New keeper so bad

 

[Blue_London]

I want Russo to score so bad

 

[Blue_London]

Arsenal defence is soooooooooooooooooooo trash

 

[Blue_London]

Lmao what a goal

 

[Northside7]

Take the point!

 

[dontdiedontkillanyone]

Take the point!

The Canadians gave, and the Canadians hath taken away

 

[Blue_London]

@DNB1 you see the Swedish fraud backing the glazers. You can admit he's a clown

 

[Water Ur Seeds]

Richarlison is one of the best worst players of all time lol

 

[Blue_London]

Lmao this is potentially return week for a few posters

 

[dontdiedontkillanyone]

Bissouma

 

[Northside7]

Luton is a waste of time.