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2023/2024 Football/Soccer Thread ⚽️

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HAHA, u took the bait. Now i have confirmation u are ignoring my Mason Mount posts. How rude of u…..
Ha ha no U took the bait
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Can't believe you really fell for that
 
@thefrenchwood this is crazy. Brest are really impressive. They looked like Man City against Lyon this weekend.

Still most likely will be PSG winning the league, but it’s nice to see Brest punching above their weight.

Strasbourg at 5th is confusing. I have watched most of their games and they have been mid so far.


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I always root for Vieira to do good but i havent seen ONE person say that his team is playing well. I know it's early but still.
Good test against Lens tonight.
Brest >>>
Smart players, well coached. They won't keep up but they play to win games instead of just not trying to lose them
 

💬 Quote of the day​

"It's incomprehensible that such teams are allowed to play in European football." - Dutch pundit Dick Advocaat on Bosnian side Zrinjski, who were 3-0 down at half-time. They won 4-3.​
 

FOOTBALL​

🤯 Lehmann’s terms​

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Everyone was shocked when normal, well-adjusted goalkeeper Jens Lehmann attacked his neighbour’s garage with a chainsaw in the dead of the night.​
But it turns out the former Arsenal Invincible has been causing a nuisance in his Bavarian lakeside community for some time.​
According to local reports, the 53-year-old keeper has been responsible for a number of “unsavoury actions”, including repeatedly speeding under the parking barrier of a car park to avoid the €3 fee.​
And when the Polizei came knocking to take away his licence, Lehmann told one officer she must have “a malfunction in her brain”.​
Ahead of his trial over the chainsaw frenzy, Lehmann has now been court-ordered to take a “anti-social personality disorder” test.​
Considering he resolved a minor neighbourly dispute with a chainsaw, we’re guessing that’ll come back positive…​
 

FOOTBALL​

🎮 Get some sleep bro​

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It’s been a tough week for one-time wonderkid Jadon Sancho, who has been banished from Manchester United’s first team by gaffer Erik ten Hag.​
And just to really rub it in, Ten Hag has exiled him from the first team canteen too, forcing Sancho to eat turkey dinosaurs and spaghetti hoops with the club’s academy players.​
Luckily, Sancho’s perfectly comfortable in the company of Dorito-encrusted teenagers.​
Successive managers have complained about him turning up late for training because he’s been locking horns with Malaysian 12-year-olds on FIFA until the early hours of the morning.​
And despite Sancho’s evident commitment to eSports, he’s still getting spanked and told to go to bed by the professionals…​
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☄️ Game of throw-ins​

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Rory Delap once revolutionised throw-ins simply by bringing along a towel and aiming for Robert Huth’s gigantic forehead.​
Now Iranian star Nader Mohammadi is turning them into an art form.​
And if you’re getting a sense of deja vu, it’s because his namesake Milad Mohammadi once tried the same thing.​
Except it was during the World Cup, in the 93rd minute and with Iran 1-0 down and on the brink of elimination.​
And it didn’t go quite so well…​
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FOOTBALL​

🦈 I’ve chucked some plasters and a tetanus jab in the party bags in case Luis bites anyone​

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It’s hard to recreate the buzz of scoring a winning goal at the Nou Camp in front of 90,000 rabid Barca fans.​
So when the chance came for Luis Suarez at his son’s birthday party, and all he had to do was humiliate some 10-year-olds in the process, he couldn’t resist.​
The 36-year-old subbed himself on to score this bicycle kick, even peeling away in celebration like it was a late winner at the Nou Camp.​
 

💉 Quick hits​

🩴 When Erik Ten Hag banished Cristiano Ronaldo from the first team last year, he wouldn’t even let him collect his flip flops from his locker. A youth team player had to fetch them.​
🏆 Europe haven’t lost the Ryder Cup on home soil since 1993.​
💸 Chelsea have spent £17.5 million per competitive goal since the start of Todd Boehly's reign.​
🎲 Man United have now been drawn at home 12 times in a row in domestic cup competitions. The probability of that happening is 0.02%.​
 
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