2023/2024 Football/Soccer Thread ⚽️

[Blue_London]

Imagine living in Seville and supporting Betis the pain lmao

 

[DNB1]

Why Brighton defending like Utd? @Water Ur Seeds

 

[Water Ur Seeds]

Shocking, Mitoma has been sh!t...

 

[Blue_London]

O/t


This feels racist to me

 

[GNS]

Can't play United everyday Brighton

 

[Water Ur Seeds]

So sh!t missed Dunk and Ensico... Adringra proved what Ensico would had bought to the side...

Normal top players like Mitoma and Pervis were none exinsistant...

Team selection all wrong too, tough game to give starting debuts to Ansu and Igor... then not picking Veltman for RB and playing two CBs that have never played together too...

The team just did not click at all...

 

[Northside7]

Welcome to the europa league, Brighton.

 

[Infamous114]

 

[toheeb27]

@GNS Congrats bro....

 

[GNS]

Meh

 

[dontdiedontkillanyone]

 

[dontdiedontkillanyone]

Quote of the day​ ​

“Champions of Europe, you’ll never sing that” - Man City fans taunt Red Star Belgrade, who won the European Cup in 1991.​

 

[dontdiedontkillanyone]

FOOTBALL​ ​

Sven deadly sins​ ​

It’s been a tough week for noughties nostalgia, so the news of a “tell-all Netflix doc” about Sven-Goran Eriksson will hopefully spread some more cheerful memories of the decade.​

One man who will be raising a glass to Sven’s glory days is Steve McClaren, who picked up more than a taste for 4-4-2 from his mentor.​

Back in 2012, the wily old Swede recommended a Manchester hotel to his former assistant, even telling McClaren precisely where to sit.​

Following his instructions to a T, Steve rocked up and couldn’t believe his luck when he successfully chatted up a woman on the next door table and went to bed with her.​

Soon the pair were conducting a full blown affair, and we regret to inform you they even filmed a “no holds barred” sex tape.​

Steve was in heaven. That is until he discovered his mistress shared a close mutual acquaintance.​

None other than the puppet master Sven, who had slept with the same woman five years earlier, having met her at the exact same table he suggested.​

 

[dontdiedontkillanyone]

​ FOOTBALL​

​ War cry​

​

Neil Warnock always said he doesn't want applause or a minute's silence when he's gone.​

"I want them to be chanting 'Warnock's a wanker' over and over again", he once explained.​

Last night - in what might be his final game - he got his wish as Stoke City fans serenaded him with those exact words.​

And if you’re clucking for more Warnock memories, we’ve pulled together a podcast tribute to the great man.​

He gave team talks naked, cut his players' toe nails and picked the team based on his wife's dreams.​

So by all means enjoy the podcast, but "enjoy it by being fookin’ disciplined"...​

Listen to Neil Warnock: he'd fookin' die for you lot

 

[dontdiedontkillanyone]

FOOTBALL​ ​

Real Sociopath​ ​

Ever had a friend bring along their “mate from the pub” to your quiet Tuesday night five-a-side, only to discover he’s a mass-brawl-inducing nutter?​

When CF Montreal midfielder Matko Miljevic’s friends needed a ringer for their struggling amateur team, he kindly volunteered.​

Armed with an ingenious fake name and some borrowed Adidas Sambas, he took the indoor league by storm, banging in five goals against Bayer Neverlosen.​

But after his team went 5-0 down to a bunch of chartered accountants in their next fixture, Matko completely lost his head: spitting at and punching an opposing player in the face.​

The amateur league promptly banned him, and with his identity rumbled, the MLS have terminated his contract too.​

 

[dontdiedontkillanyone]

FOOTBALL​ ​

Pandora’s box​ ​

If you’ve had the misfortune to set foot in a Westfield shopping centre, you’ll know having your head kicked in is preferable to spending ten more minutes in that air-conditioned hellhole.​

So perhaps that explains the Flamengo fan who spotted his club’s vice-president Marcos Braz out shopping and decided to get in his grill.​

Unhappy with their performances, he cornered the beleaguered blazer and yelled: “Get out of Flamengo!”.​

Despite also being an elected politician, Braz and his bodyguards were soon viciously attacking the bloke in front of horrified shoppers.​

It turned pretty nasty - Braz ended up with a broken nose, and someone left bite marks on his tormentor’s stomach.​

The Flamengo vice-president then barricaded himself inside a branch of jewellery store Pandora, while his heavies stood guard.​

 

[dontdiedontkillanyone]

FOOTBALL​ ​

And don’t even think about putting a film on​ ​

Following our recent podcast about Michael Owen’s comically dull existence, Liam emailed in with another example of the weirdo wonderkid’s peculiar habits… In the early 2000s, a workmate of mine met an attractive young woman in the Cheshire area, and a few dates in, she mentioned that she had been Michael Owen's steady girlfriend in the 90s. Apparently, during her courtship with Mr Owen they were once enjoying a romantic evening with a box of chocolates. Suddenly, Michael hit the roof, aghast upon realising that these were chocolate liqueurs. His coaches had expressly forbidden him from drinking alcohol and (in a mad panic) Michael tore a strip off his poor girlfriend and turfed her out. ​

 

[dontdiedontkillanyone]

Quick hits​ ​

One in three Rugby World Cup players are technically obese and would fail the NHS fat test.​

Jordan Henderson's latest game for Al-Ettifaq was played in front of 976 spectators.​

Inter Miami fans left their game against Toronto early when Lionel Messi was substituted in the 37th minute. They went on to win 4-0.​

Turkey manager Stefan Kuntz has been sacked following a 4-2 friendly defeat to Japan.​

Lazio goalkeeper Ivan Provedel was born in 1994, is 1.94m tall, wears the number 94 on his back and scored a 94th-minute equaliser the other day. It was Lazio's 94th goal in the Champions League.​

Michael Owen’s verdict on Cool Runnings: “I was in Hell, having to pretend I liked it.”​

 

[Infamous114]

 

[dontdiedontkillanyone]