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2022/2023 Football/Soccer Thread

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👊 Lyon King​

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France's World Cup campaign was disappointingly short on the usual backstabbing, so it was a relief to see Karim Benzema spitting poison at manager Didier Deschamps this week.

After the gaffer defended his decision not to recall Benzema from injury, the Balon D'Or winner threw a tantrum on Instagram, writing "what a nerve 🤡", "liar" and "Dear Didier, goodnight".

Slightly childish, although in fairness Karim has mellowed with age.

Back in 2009, he got a hero's welcome when he returned to Lyon for a FIFA advert. But when the cameras weren't rolling, a couple of local youngsters heckled the star.

After the shoot, he invited the scamps backstage, and they rushed to meet him, expecting to receive some signed kit and an inspirational word or two.

Instead, the striker's bodyguard held the teenagers down while the Lyon striker smacked them in the face.

Benzema then escaped through a back door, leaving the production crew facing a riot. They had to lock themselves in a local school until the police turned up.
 
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💩 Spread Eagle​

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Crystal Palace might be stinging from their 1-0 derby defeat to Brighton, but they've had worse visits to the Amex Stadium.

Back in 2013, Palace arrived for their play-off second leg to discover someone had smeared poo all over a toilet cubicle in their dressing room.

"I go into the toilet and it’s horrendous," recalled Eagles boss Ian Holloway. "Someone had put gloves on and spread it all over the tiles on the floor."

The horrifying scenes motivated Palace to a 2-0 win, and Holloway still maintains to this day that it was an attempt at sabotage from the hosts.

But years later Palace striker Aaron Wilbraham revealed on a podcast that the mystery shitter was in fact the Palace coach driver, who had been caught short and couldn't find any loo roll.

They should stick up a statue at Selhurst to thank him: the man whose dodgy belly inspired Palace to promotion.
 

🍿 I want to speak to the manager​

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As American soccer descends into civil war, more embarrassing revelations about the pushy parents of winger Gio Reyna have come to light.

You may recall the Reynas got their childhood friend Gregg Berhalter sacked as US manager after the World Cup because he wouldn't pick their son.

Now an internal investigation has denounced Claudio and Danielle Reyna as "mean-spirited bullies" who bombarded US Soccer officials with angry texts and calls any time Gio wasn't picked.

After the Dortmund star was benched, Claudio texted several US Soccer staffers informing them: “Our entire family is disgusted, angry, and done with you guys."

And the pair repeatedly threatened to get Berhalter sacked. Danielle told one employee: "I can make one phone call and give one interview, and his cool sneakers and bounce passes will be gone.”

But Berhalter hit back at his old college buddies, telling the investigation: "There were 150 people in the Friends and Family program at this year’s World Cup. All were having a great time – except for five people who were absolutely miserable. Those five were cursing, acting horribly. It was the Reynas."

Amid all the drama, spare a thought for USA caretaker boss Anthony Hudson, who has called Gio up to his latest squad. He's in for a treat...
 

💊 Hard act to follow​

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When legendary commentator John Motson headed to the great sheepskin coat in the sky, there were widespread tributes for one of football's most iconic voices.

But not every eulogy left readers with the warm glow of nostalgia: take this story from Popbitch about a female colleague who went for lunch with Motty:
Most of the meal passed without incident, but shortly before dessert he retrieved a blue pill from his pocket. He showed it to her and asked if she knew what it was. She did. It was Viagra.

He then swallowed it, with the charming line: "You have 20 minutes to make your decision."
Click to expand...
 

🎥 Coming soon: 24 hour Partey People​

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As Arsenal edge towards a first title in 19 years, it's easy to forget how insufferable they were last time around.

Fortunately the Gunners are very good at reminding everyone via the endless stream of documentaries about the tedious minutae of life at the Emirates stadium.

Their latest release is Come Back Stronger: The Return of Gabriel Jesus, a multi-part epic about the striker's knee injury, which has only kept him out for two and a half months.

Looking forward to the William Saliba biopic, In the Splashzone...
 

💉 Quick hits​

📉 Inter Milan say Romelu Lukaku will return to Chelsea when his loan ends. He's scored just five goals this season.

🙅 Besiktas have banished Dele Alli from the first-team and won't pick him again this season.

👋 Under Jurgen Klopp, Liverpool have only been knocked out the Champions League by Atletico Madrid or Real Madrid. Real have eliminated them four times.

🚲 A cyclist crashed head-first into a giant mound of manure during the Grand Prix de Denain:
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