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Fair or Foul? Woman spews hate towards father

Fair or foul

  • Foul AF spend time with him in old age

    Votes: 17 89.5%

  • Fair he should have been there earlier in life

    Votes: 2 10.5%
  • Total voters
    19
Spending a couple hours makes a hell of an impact on a kid compared to a couple mins or no time at all. If kids cant get attention at home, a lot go find it from others outside the house. The "others" may or may not be a positive person/people either.
 
IP360 said:
My dad worked a lot when I was a kid. He made time for us when he could. But I wasn't trippin off it. B/c I knew he had a job to go to. My mama held it down until she passed.

But by that time I was a teenager. So my understanding of him having to work to provide as a widower grew even more. I understood how hard he had it, and never became a burden to him (ie. out in the streets or in school doing dumb shyt).

Did I wish he and other members of my family was there for me dealing wit the loss of my mama all these years? Yes. It is what it is. But I would NEVER shun him. He did what he could to make sure we was straight. Did a helluva job at that.

Besides...I'm too old to be carrying that kinda emotional baggage.
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It clicked for me around 11-12.

My mother worked but it was part time shit because she had to worry about me and baby sister.

Once I understood that the bigger burden for my pops was providing for us I was cool. My pops missed games and events, but we didnt miss a meal. We didnt have to light candles around the house at night. I didnt have to worry about how ima get to my events because he made sure the car and insurance was paid. We would watch football on Sunday or rent a movie here and there. Of course my pops wasnt there at all times but he made sure me and my sister learned what it means to be an adult and the sacrifices that has to be made in life when youre not rich

I respect my pop even more and we have got so close as I got older and im thankful. (we did hit a rough spot when I lived in LA)
 
BlackRain said:
You intentionally ignored the word "neglectful" as well in my post. You can be a neglectful parent and still provide financially for your kids...and simply providing for your kids doesn't negate being a neglectful or shitty parent. And the bare minimum is providing financially for your kids so if that's the bar for parenting then that's a low ass bar to set when we all know it takes more to raise a child than feeding and clothing them.
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Yes, I did because I find it hard to say a parent neglected their child when they had a full stomach, clothes, shoes, a warm home to live in, presents for birthdays and xmas, and all that shit growing up. So he didn't teach you chess or played baseball with you, and maybe he didn't come to all your school events, but that man did what he had to to make sure his child never went without.

I know you're finna get into "emotional neglect", blah, blah, blah but you know what? It seems to me like no matter what that man does it ain't gonna be enough in y'alls eyes like if he was there as much as he could be, y'all would say it still wasn't enough.

Daddy gotta be superman outchea, otherwise he ain't shit.
 
None one of us have or are perfect parents. Parents fuck up somewhere and I feel like unless we are talking about abuse or intentional neglect, we should give them some grace, especially if they are trying to make amends for past behaviors. At the very least tell HIM how his lack of emotional connection affected you, not twitter...
 
BlackRain said:
You intentionally ignored the word "neglectful" as well in my post. You can be a neglectful parent and still provide financially for your kids...and simply providing for your kids doesn't negate being a neglectful or shitty parent. And the bare minimum is providing financially for your kids so if that's the bar for parenting then that's a low ass bar to set when we all know it takes more to raise a child than feeding and clothing them.
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And this is the very thing a lot of mother do and still not treated like this.
Look I understand where you coming from.
I often speak from the parent side and I respect your position coming from the child’s side. But we can’t pretend some kids want their parent to act like some shit they seen or dreamt of.
without all the details we can just say dude ain’t shit but a provider.
for all we know he could have a 12 hr shift and by the time he gets home they off to school or when they get home he’s off to work. It could be that simple.
 
konceptjones said:
Yes, I did because I find it hard to say a parent neglected their child when they had a full stomach, clothes, shoes, a warm home to live in, presents for birthdays and xmas, and all that shit growing up. So he didn't teach you chess or played baseball with you, and maybe he didn't come to all your school events, but that man did what he had to to make sure his child never went without.

I know you're finna get into "emotional neglect", blah, blah, blah but you know what? It seems to me like no matter what that man does it ain't gonna be enough in y'alls eyes like if he was there as much as he could be, y'all would say it still wasn't enough.

Daddy gotta be superman outchea, otherwise he ain't shit.
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You're doing alot of assuming based on your own personal pov and not the information actually provided. You don't know if they did get all of that as kids growing up. And if you truly feel that simply providing financially for your kids is all that matters then your other rants about morality and what kids should and shouldn't be taught are null and void because as you're saying here none of that matters as long as the parents are keeping a roof over their head. Your breakdown of a shitty parent doesn't matter because according to the standard you just set you can treat your kid any way you want so long as they're fed clothed and housed.

Not 1 person has said a parent needs to be perfect or a superhero so to keep trying to pin your pov on that foundation is dumb because nobody has said that. But to say it's ungrateful to expect your parent to do more than pay bills is a low ass bar for parenting when part of raising a child is imparting things on them they carry into adulthood. Like I said earlier in this thread having had an abusive and neglectful parent even though I personally chose to forgive I wouldn't fault someone else for choosing not to do so. And it doesn't make someone a bad person for expecting their parent to actually be a parent and not just a wallet or ATM machine
 
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DOS_patos said:
And this is the very thing a lot of mother do and still not treated like this.
Look I understand where you coming from.
I often speak from the parent side and I respect your position coming from the child’s side. But we can’t pretend some kids want their parent to act like some shit they seen or dreamt of.
without all the details we can just say dude ain’t shit but a provider.
for all we know he could have a 12 hr shift and by the time he gets home they off to school or when they get home he’s off to work. It could be that simple.
Click to expand...

Talking about how shitty mothers get a pass is a whole nother subject that alot of people, mainly the sons of single mothers, don't like having about their own moms but love having about everyone else mom. And yeah some kids are assholes in how they perceive their parents efforts. These kids were being cold towards their father which on the one end isn't right...but on the other hand if he hadn't been there in that way their entire lives beforehand to just expect someone to embrace an attempt with open arms as if there isn't years of baggage is unrealistic. People keep talking about keep the same energy he gave them and they literally did just that...and now it's a problem? You get what you give right?
 
BlackRain said:
You're doing alot of assuming based on your own personal pov and not the information actually provided. You don't know if they did get all of that as kids growing up. And if you truly feel that simply providing financially for your kids is all that matters then your other rants about morality and what kids should and shouldn't be taught are null and void because as you're saying here none of that matters as long as the parents are keeping a roof over their head. Your breakdown of a shitty parent doesn't matter because according to the standard you just set you can treat your kid any way you want so long as they're fed clothed and housed.

Not 1 person has said a parent needs to be perfect or a superhero so to keep trying to pin your pov on that foundation is dumb because nobody has said that. But to say it's ungrateful to expect your parent to do more than pay bills is a low ass bar for parenting when part of raising a child is imparting things on them they carry into adulthood. Like I said earlier in this thread having had an abusive and neglectful parent even though I personally chose to forgive I wouldn't fault someone else for choosing not to do so. And it doesn't make someone a bad person for expecting their parent to actually be a parent and not just a wallet or ATM machine
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Never said I "truly feel that simply providing financially for your kids is all that matters", now did I??? I understand it because of what I've seen in my lifetime, as have others who are in my generation and older. Am I that father? Nope: I busted my ass to be in a position where mine was the sole income necessary for us to live for the better part of the last 22 years and in doing so, I was also able to spend a fuckton of time with my kids on a daily basis. I made moves so I could be there but I know I'm kind of an anomaly in that regard: How many men do you really know nowadays that makes enough that his wife doesn't have to work? So I'm not even looking at this from my personal position 'cause I ain't that dude working two shifts at the plant coming home to sleep, eat, shower, and head back out so his kids can have something.

The way you and others have framed it, a father needs to be a superhero 'cause if he's lacking anywhere, then he ain't shit and the kids deserve to shit on him. Can't have any failings or shortcomings 'cause if he does he's unworthy of grace or compassion in his later years.
 
IP360 said:
My dad worked a lot when I was a kid. He made time for us when he could. But I wasn't trippin off it. B/c I knew he had a job to go to. My mama held it down until she passed.

But by that time I was a teenager. So my understanding of him having to work to provide as a widower grew even more. I understood how hard he had it, and never became a burden to him (ie. out in the streets or in school doing dumb shyt).

Did I wish he and other members of my family was there for me dealing wit the loss of my mama all these years? Yes. It is what it is. But I would NEVER shun him. He did what he could to make sure we was straight. Did a helluva job at that.

Besides...I'm too old to be carrying that kinda emotional baggage.
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100% agree at the bold, fam. I'm about to get vulgar with my words, but people gotta stop b**ching like the kids in the O/P. It's an expiration date on that. I even had to tell myself that a long time ago lol. We all had disagreements with some things that our parents did, but as I got older then I started looking at the situation from their viewpoint, and understood. Some people be short-sighted that they fail to see the circumstance from the parent's perspective
 
konceptjones said:
Never said I "truly feel that simply providing financially for your kids is all that matters", now did I??? I understand it because of what I've seen in my lifetime, as have others who are in my generation and older. Am I that father? Nope: I busted my ass to be in a position where mine was the sole income necessary for us to live for the better part of the last 22 years and in doing so, I was also able to spend a fuckton of time with my kids on a daily basis. I made moves so I could be there but I know I'm kind of an anomaly in that regard: How many men do you really know nowadays that makes enough that his wife doesn't have to work? So I'm not even looking at this from my personal position 'cause I ain't that dude working two shifts at the plant coming home to sleep, eat, shower, and head back out so his kids can have something.

The way you and others have framed it, a father needs to be a superhero 'cause if he's lacking anywhere, then he ain't shit and the kids deserve to shit on him. Can't have any failings or shortcomings 'cause if he does he's unworthy of grace or compassion in his later years.
Click to expand...

You can't keep saying it's framed that way when you're literally being told nobody is expecting perfection or a superhero of a parent. Like its been said multiple times in this thread nobody is expecting perfection yet you keep saying that. That's your own blinders keeping you from seeing the point others are making. I already mentioned in a previous post where you asked "what about the mother this should be her job" that apparently the person who made the tweet clarified that their mom both worked and was there for them outside of just paying the bills. So the acknowledgement that not only are 2 incomes needed but also that 2 parents are needed has already been stated. And if your really are trying to say you know that simply providing is more than paying the bills then continuing to pin their disdain as "they're ungrateful because he kept a roof over their heads" makes no sense. When you keep saying that post after post then you can't be confused that your posts are being read as that's all it takes to be considered a good parent.

Of course parents fail and fuck up. They're human beings. But it doesn't make their child ungrateful to expect more than a wallet and a "well I kept the lights on" if a child wants to know why their parent couldn't do more than tell them how much the electric bill was. When we see on a daily basis how the lack of parental influence can negatively harm kids to try and minimize parenting to somebody did their job simply because they did literally the legal bare minimum of caring for your child is continuing that same pattern that is a known fact to do more harm than good. I don't even agree with how they went about handling it, both on twitter or in their real lives but the emotions themselves that they felt...they're entitled to that based on how they were raised. And if a person doesn't want their kids to feel that way about them then you probably should actually be there as more than a bank account or else that's what those kids who will grow into adults will treat them as.
 
So he’s not a drink
Not a gambler losing money
Didn’t smack mom around
Didn’t smack her around
Didn’t stay out all night
Not a deadbeat
Not a couch surfing bum
Didn’t have other kids
Not a crackhead
Cops not kicking in the door for him
Opps not shooting up the house
Not gang affiliated
Not bussing his guns

he ain’t shit cuz he works.🤔
 
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And this is not old school vs new
This is having grown kids vs having young kids.
Experiencing all years , pretend, teen and adulthood vs having only small kids.
 
BlackRain said:
Talking about how shitty mothers get a pass is a whole nother subject that alot of people, mainly the sons of single mothers, don't like having about their own moms but love having about everyone else mom. And yeah some kids are assholes in how they perceive their parents efforts. These kids were being cold towards their father which on the one end isn't right...but on the other hand if he hadn't been there in that way their entire lives beforehand to just expect someone to embrace an attempt with open arms as if there isn't years of baggage is unrealistic. People keep talking about keep the same energy he gave them and they literally did just that...and now it's a problem? You get what you give right?
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All cool and you right, so can they not like their dad but support him in his older age? Can he live in the after life with dignity and respect.
I never saw where she said he was an asshole to them….just always at work.
So instead of walking out the room when he enters…..go to work ti get they own place.
and mom just let them do that?
Just no correction?
Shit that man might be happier dead.
 
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