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What they don’t tell you about having kids

ImaInfluenza

ImaInfluenza

Who do you think you are? I am
If you are a mindful individual either before, after, or during having children. No one tells you about what that shit does to you. If you are the type that seeks to break generational curses. Such as how your parent spoke to you, how your parent dealt with you, the financial status of your family etc.

You soon learn that it wasn’t just your parent. It was their parents, and the parents of your parents that handed down ways of raising children that lead to how you were parented.

So now, you have to parent yourself into being a better individual all while parenting your kids. When your kids are younger this is easier because they mostly just do as you say. But the older they get, the more they watch, absorb, and question, and now it can’t just be what you say.

You have to back up what you say with actions. Which means now you have to walk into the fires of your fears, so you can gain the experience to be able to hold their hand through the same fears.

This shit changes you, it scares you, frustrates you, challenges you, pushes you, makes you question yourself and your ability to parent. This the shit they don’t tell you. This the shit that make you be like, I can see why parents bail. Shit is hard, hardest shit you’ll ever have to do.

If you are a parent and you understand where I’m coming from. All I can say to you, is the fact that you understand this shit, means that you are a great parent. You may question yourself but know that everyone don’t understand, that’s why you are special.

That’s why you will break generational cruses. This the shit they don’t tell you.
 
mike030270 said:
Yea... I'm not sure about the accuracy of this
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So..lemme give an example. Say you are the type of person that don’t stand up for yourself and it’s cause you got bullied and your parents didn’t help you with that so you don’t know how to stand up to bullies. So your kid is being bullied, you now know that if you stand up for yourself, in the long run it helps. So you use that knowledge and tell your kid to stand up to the bully.

If you have cultivated a relationship with your kid that they trust what you tell them to be true. At somepoint, they will feel compelled to take your advice and stand up for themselves. When they are kids..5 and younger.

As they age, they will see that you lack the same resolve when it comes to you. They see more than you know and mimic you, so you can say stand up for yourself all you want. But if you don’t, they won’t listen, they don’t have your examples as evidence that it works. Your words won’t be enough
 
A mom can’t tell her daughter to respect herself while the moms boyfriend cheats on her all the time. Maybe even hits on the daughter, the daughter has to see the mom have self respect to be able to mimic it herself

This breeds generations of victimized girls, or if they have a boy, boys that do the same to girls, unless that boy breaks a generationAl curse from the trauma of what he witnessed with his mom. At the same time, it may breed submissive boys that are victimized by villainous women.
 
No kids but from I skimmed sounds legit I'll broaden the topic a lot and say this applies to leadership in general..lbe...lead by example in everything
 
Old Man Cain said:
Listening to your kids goes a long way. I had to learn from my mistakes to get to this understanding. I thought my son was like me with his emotions he isn't and I dropped the ball on that.
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Not enough people understand this. Lots of parents will allow their children to be anything but themselves. My son and I are a LOT alike in certain ways. But recognizing the ways that we're NOT alike helps me keep shit is perspective with him.
 
My son is like me at a young age. So the things wrong with me so to say I try and correct and express to him that's its ok to talk it out and show emotions and other things.
 
Another layer is having conversations with your parents and other family members about changing how they communicate with your kids, especially if they are set in there ways. I know I had to have multiple talks with my mom and it took her a minute to get that how you say things really matter.
 
Tayboo said:
Another layer is having conversations with your parents and other family members about changing how they communicate with your kids, especially if they are set in there ways. I know I had to have multiple talks with my mom and it took her a minute to get that how you say things really matter.
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I absolutely agree
 
It's crazy, cuz your kids are definitely a reflection of you. My son has it the worst.

Like don't believe that bullshit that showing boys affection makes them soft. Like none of the bullshit niggaz think makes boys soft... Makes boys soft. Niggaz get that shit so wrong cuz they dishonest with themselves.

They a reflection of their parents. That's where their personalities. What's "wrong" with them it's a reflection of what's wrong with you.

I feel soooooooo accountable and and fault for the personality and trouble my son gets into. Cuz I see so much of myself in him. Regardless of how well I manage my emotions, and respect his mom and the house. No matter how polite I am and compassionate, kind, gentle, affectionate, I hug him, tell him I love him....all that shit ...

He sees right thru it.... He is me. Dude be in school acting a damn fool
 
Tayboo said:
Another layer is having conversations with your parents and other family members about changing how they communicate with your kids, especially if they are set in there ways. I know I had to have multiple talks with my mom and it took her a minute to get that how you say things really matter.
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Thats kind of a pet peeve of mine. I’m more than willing to have that convo to try to get on the same page. But at the end of the day…these are my children. Not yours. So you’ll interact with them however I tell you to interact with them…or you won’t interact with them at all.
 
mryounggun said:
Yes you do.
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I agree with him. Curses don't exist but repeated behaviors yes. We are part of thr ape family so we just absorb what is being brought to our eyes and ears before we can actually rationalize is this a correct way to live or not.
 
Banginscrew901 said:
One of the things I do with my daughter cause she's at that why stage. So I can't hit her with cause I said so. So we will talk about it until she understands what's going on.
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This is the thing I’m trying to get out of. I used to hate it when my parents told me that. So when I started to say cause I said so, I had to take a step back and start explaining to my girls why they shouldn’t do something.
 
Big_Ev said:
This is the thing I’m trying to get out of. I used to hate it when my parents told me that. So when I started to say cause I said so, I had to take a step back and start explaining to my girls why they shouldn’t do something.
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Yea it's easy as hell to say but at most gatherings when we've telling our cousins,nephew or niece how it was when we grew up that was the normal thing for em to say. And I guess cause saying why is a form of talk back. But it's really them trying to comprehend what they feeling.
 
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