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Men: do y'all think about self esteem much when dating?

Golden

Golden

Administrator
Yes or no?

If u do, does it stop you or encourage you to proceed?

Have you backed off of a chick because you caught that she had low self esteem? Are you attracted to low self esteem women? Does it depend on whether ur intentions were casual or srs?

How often do you factor in your own self esteem when dating? Does it even come to mind? Do men discuss their own self esteem or problems low self esteem causes y'all?

This was inspired by these recent discussions:
http://ablackweb.com/forum/index.php?threads/sympathy.320/
http://ablackweb.com/forum/index.php?threads/the-realities-of-dating-after-30.303/
http://ablackweb.com/forum/index.php?threads/thoughts.231/page-2
 
Too many questions boo, I think the main question should be...

"Men: Would you knowingly date a woman that has self-esteem issues?"

I'll be back with my answer.
 
Low self-esteem manifests itself in more ways then just thinking you're not adequate. That being said it put a strain on your relationship. Plus low self-esteem isn't attractive, you end up making your partner see you as you see yourself
 
NoOneImportant said:
Too many questions boo, I think the main question should be...

"Men: Would you knowingly date a woman that has self-esteem issues?"

I'll be back with my answer.
Click to expand...
Nah, what I'm even more interested in is:

I've never heard a man discuss his own self esteem or how it's affected dating. Why? Does it fall under the taboo of talking about feelings? Do y'all just not factor self esteem in general?

Cuz it's a frequent topic in relationship discussions with women, from what I've noticed. Men don't even bring it up when it's directly applicable, which is fascinating.
 
Horticulture said:
Nah, what I'm even more interested in is:

I've never heard a man discuss his own self esteem or how it's affected dating. Why? Does it fall under the taboo of talking about feelings? Do y'all just not factor self esteem in general?

Cuz it's a frequent topic in relationship discussions with women, from what I've noticed. Men don't even bring it up when it's directly applicable, which is fascinating.
Click to expand...

I fixed my original thought: "Men: Would you knowingly date or sex a woman that has self-esteem issues?"

Now, men and their self-esteem issues could be a separate thread of its own.

I don't mind being open with people. You personally know this about me.

I have seen men discuss their shortcomings out in the open on TheColi, so it is not as taboo as you think.

You will not get the same participate here because most of these niggas probably think they better than they actually are...
 
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men-vs-women-1.jpg

Sums it up. The world doesn't beat us over our head like it does yall
 
If you know that you not looking for a relationship, a chick with low self isn't a problem. But if you plan on building with her, that's something that has to get built up
 
OhMars said:
men-vs-women-1.jpg

Sums it up. The world doesn't beat us over our head like it does yall
Click to expand...
perception vs reality....
lol, this applies to the debate from yesterday as well.....

who's happier?
 
OhMars said:
Low self-esteem manifests itself in more ways then just thinking you're not adequate. That being said it put a strain on your relationship. Plus low self-esteem isn't attractive, you end up making your partner see you as you see yourself
Click to expand...
would you classify low self esteem as a red flag for a woman or would it depend on whether you were tryna fuck or settle down with her?

Have you had to shut something down with a woman because
NoOneImportant said:
I fixed my original thought: "Men: Would you knowingly date or sex a woman that has self-esteem issues?"

Now, men and their self-esteem issues could be a separate thread of its own.

I don't mind being open with people. You personally know this about me.

I have seen men discuss their shortcomings out in the open on TheColi, so it is not as taboo as you think.

You will not get the same participate here because most of the niggas probably think they better than they actually are...
Click to expand...
damn. wish i had just made the men's one but I aint in the mood to make 2 threads.

u r right, men do discuss their shortcomings but is it just me or is the term self esteem not rili used? It's like a big buzzword in women's dating and self improvement discussion (esp. advice) but nowhere to be found with regards to men.

I've never heard a man say something to the effect of:
I'm gonna do me for a while and lay off the women while I work on my self esteem.
or
I think I keep finding myself in one sided relationships because my low self esteem has led to me seeking validation from winning over women, who then turn out to never try to win over me.
or
I need to explore the role my low self esteem had in the demise of my marriage.
^
that kinda shit.

is it that the term isn't embraced by men, or do men not see it as an obstacle n instead focus on the shortcomings tht cause their self esteem issues?
Dupacalypse said:
If you know that you not looking for a relationship, a chick with low self isn't a problem. But if you plan on building with her, that's something that has to get built up
Click to expand...
if u do hook up with a chick with low self esteem n ur intentions r only 4 sex, could it not be considered exploitation? if she fuckin 4 validation
 
Horticulture said:
if u do hook up with a chick with low self esteem n ur intentions r only 4 sex, could it not be considered exploitation? if she fuckin 4 validation
Click to expand...
i don't think so, because we both getting what we want even if it's only temporary.....plus those type of experiences can be helpful for her personal growth
 
Dupacalypse said:
i don't think so, because we both getting what we want even if it's only temporary.....plus those type of experiences can be helpful for her personal growth
Click to expand...

I look at it like this...

In this context, smash and dash is probably wrong. Chicks are going to regret it later like "why did I give in at this moment of weakness" or wonder "why he didn't stick around"?

Now, if you knew the chick for a while and there is some type of friendship, then I don't see anything wrong. Being fucked and held in this context can do wonders for a chick's self-esteem. Everyone wins.
 
life is the best teacher. who am i to stunt her development??

that smash and dash may be her breakthru........and i'm all about progression
 
Just to make your thread successful, while looking at TheColi, I have seen the following complaints from men...
  • Being ugly
  • Being short
  • Being overweight
  • Not being able to attract the type of women they like despite looking okay and making decent money
  • Strong infatuation with "PAWGS"
  • Having small meat
  • Having a shitty job
Now, with that particular forum, you have to realize that a lot of trolling takes place, so the aforementioned points could be exaggerated. Also, you have to respect the vastness of the sample size that place could possibly represent.

If you noticed the trend, a lot of men's shortcomings involves living up to societal standards or attracting the opposite sex through means of physical attraction, personal accomplishment, or material possession. So, I guess most men's worth is being viewed as a man in society's eyes or whether they can attract a woman.
 
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I used to give advice to men on how to talk to women. All women have problems, low self-esteem is a goldmine for both sexes. Like the low-hanging fruit, sometimes you need something to eat.

There's been a few women I've backed away from with self-esteem issues that weren't worth the hassle.
 
Only had one who sorta had low self esteem issues. It wasn't extreme tho.

Big chick who didn't like the way she looked. Didn't bother me none. I'd tell her she's sexy to me.

If she didn't like the way she looked, then change it. But I'd tell her do it b/c SHE wants to, and for herself. Not for anyone else.
 
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