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Marriage Isn’t A Goal For Most People Anymore

True.

But from my experience...the same can be said about married folks bashing folks who aren't married. Which is why I brought up the whole stigma thing.

PLENTY or times I've gotten drilled about why I haven't gotten married. What am I waiting for. Etc. etc. So I've asked them "Take away the legality/paperwork...how is it any different from a long-term relationship?" Most of the responses I've gotten is along the lines of "join the club" type responses. No real answer.

So I think that's why now a lot of folks are saying "Well if we can do just about everything married folks can do (ie. kids...income...living together...being committed to each other)...then why do we need to get married? Just to have it legally paper?"

I think religion plays a big part of it as well. Growing up...a lot of us was raised to believe you had to get married if you get pregnant. Or shackin up a no no. Nowdays...it's seems like religion no longer holds that weight over folks heads. Folks either have their doubts or follow their own path.
That legality and paperwork means a lot though, at least in the eyes of the law and taxes.

And as far as married folks bashing non-married folks, I think that’s more generational based than marriage based. Older folks will bash you for it, but your married peers will most likely envy certain aspects of your single life, even if they are happily married.
 
To add on, for myself, I wanted to get married partly because I never had the nuclear family but also because I knew she was the one.

So it was more so like “why not” get married instead of “why” get married.
 
Well my generation and the one after me grew up in the era of divorce rates rising. Many kids saw they parents break up and still be able to somewhat keep it together for the children’s sake. Plus with social media and how the dating world is today…I can see how people not seeing marriage as the ultimate goal anymore
 
I don't think people should get married just bcuz it's the common thing to do. I can tell you that once you find THAT ONE, marriage feels so natural and you feel some sort of accomplishment.

Best thing that ever happened to me. Twice. Lol
 
A lot of people are so afraid of divorce that they look down on marriage instead of working on their relationship to help prevent divorce in the first place.

1 reason...folks are selfish. A lot of them don't wanna put in the work it takes to maintain a marriage. They rather throw it all away than put forth any effort. Also...folks be too stuck in their ways. Don't wanna compromise.

I dunno what it is...but it seems like the instant some folks get married...a switch goes off and a lot of flaws get exposed. It always boggles my minds how a couple can be fine b4 marriage...then crash & burn right after marriage. Mofos get so caught up wit the glitz & glamor of the wedding, they don't look beyond the realities of marriage.

One of the realest shyt said by Lala was how marriage is so easy to get into, but so hard to get out of.
 
It always boggles my minds how a couple can be fine b4 marriage...then crash & burn right after marriage.

IMO it's bcuz couples don't take the time to really get to know each other. How bout becoming really good friends before husband and wife? We live in a microwave society now. Everything has to be instant. Just look at Facebook for example. People get on there and tell their whole life story in a span of a few dozen posts. I personally would like to ask a person about their life experience over a given time than just have them let me know all about it at once. Conversation with people is a lost pleasure.
 
Only possible reason I can see people getting married for these days are the tax benefits and I honestly don't think even that justifies it. It's just a bad business decision. Love is fleeting; a dopamine rush that will inevitably wear off. Potentially giving up your peace of mind and half your shit for what is, in the grand scheme of things, a moment, is stupid. Leashing yourself to someone doesn't give those feelings permanence. There is too much available to people at the swipe of a finger for you to think you will be special forever.

In marriage, you have nothing to gain but everything to lose.
 
My views on marriage are certainly shifting

I guess part of it is just confronting realities about myself

Every relationship I’ve ever had, has at some point come to an end

So if I was to get married, I’m basically saying, when this ends you have permission from me and the state to take money from me

On the flip side I don’t see much of a benefit to having a wife vs a girlfriend outside of socially being able to say “my wife,” which makes other people feel like “hey he’s a regular family man.”
 
My views on marriage are certainly shifting

I guess part of it is just confronting realities about myself

Every relationship I’ve ever had, has at some point come to an end

So if I was to get married, I’m basically saying, when this ends you have permission from me and the state to take money from me

On the flip side I don’t see much of a benefit to having a wife vs a girlfriend outside of socially being able to say “my wife,” which makes other people feel like “hey he’s a regular family man.”
This only happens if you allow it. It's not a marriage certificate, it's a marriage contract
:think2:

I've had a few divorces and the only thing it took from me was the filing fee. And it was cheaper then the weddings and filing for the marriage fees🤷🏿‍♂️
 
So tell us how is a relationship complete without marriage? Because you are still single until you are married . Yes, it's the two people in the relationship decision not to step out in the relationship. And to know you are in a committed relationship. But why be afraid to take that last step to close the circle of the relationship and get married?



So are you saying being in a long term relationship , that part of that fulfillment goal of that relationship is not being married. That the goal to life together with someone isn't or shouldn't be marriage? Marriage is the joining of two people as one in a family silo of them. It can strengthen a relationship by giving another fulfillment of an unbreakable bond. Only broken apart by their decisions or actions. Marriage is not only about the wedding, the paperwork, the tax filing, the legal aspect of things. (Even though it does make like easier in certain situations)
it's a bond, it's family. Building together to get further in life, to have a happy home as a family bond. When a women tells you she wants to have your last name...It's not a showing off thing (ok,well to some it is). But to most it's a proud moment in life, of showing love and commitment. That she is part of who you are.

Do you feel you and your partner are a family unit together? Do you fell like you are a part of your partner's family at all times? Do they feel as a part of yours.
Do you think just because you may have reached the fulfillment stage for yourself that your partner feels the same? Have you asked them? What if they say that they would still want to get married even though this goal of fulfillment feels met. Would you leave them? Don't be the narcissistic one and think of only yourself in the relationship. Because your comments reads of a narcissistic saying "I" and "My" thoughts and focus.
 
So tell us how is a relationship complete without marriage? Because you are still single until you are married . Yes, it's the two people in the relationship decision not to step out in the relationship. And to know you are in a committed relationship. But why be afraid to take that last step to close the circle of the relationship and get married?



So are you saying being in a long term relationship , that part of that fulfillment goal of that relationship is not being married. That the goal to life together with someone isn't or shouldn't be marriage? Marriage is the joining of two people as one in a family silo of them. It can strengthen a relationship by giving another fulfillment of an unbreakable bond. Only broken apart by their decisions or actions. Marriage is not only about the wedding, the paperwork, the tax filing, the legal aspect of things. (Even though it does make like easier in certain situations)
it's a bond, it's family. Building together to get further in life, to have a happy home as a family bond. When a women tells you she wants to have your last name...It's not a showing off thing (ok,well to some it is). But to most it's a proud moment in life, of showing love and commitment. That she is part of who you are.

Do you feel you and your partner are a family unit together? Do you fell like you are a part of your partner's family at all times? Do they feel as a part of yours.
Do you think just because you may have reached the fulfillment stage for yourself that your partner feels the same? Have you asked them? What if they say that they would still want to get married even though this goal of fulfillment feels met. Would you leave them? Don't be the narcissistic one and think of only yourself in the relationship. Because your comments reads of a narcissistic saying "I" and "My" thoughts and focus.
Why I gotta be married to feel all that? It's not a magic spell, it's paperwork. Paperwork in which I am offering up half my shit and my peace of mind on the off chance this person will honor these vows and not fuck the nigga next door.

What about society makes that look like a good bet? The negatives vastly outweigh whatever magical positives you can concoct.
 
I mean I never viewed divorce as stopping me from marriage I know anything can happen people change but folks act like it’s doomed to fail.
 
When you go in already thinking of the what ifs and the chance of divorce on the horizon. You already failed in the marriage. Marriage is a lot more than the wedding. It's the bond between two people. That can be stronger then just a long term relationship. When you get with someone you got to understand and see what they want long-term and yes Marriage is a piece of paper tying the relationship for a long time.

Hopefully. ....

Marriage is work just the same as a long-term relationship. But with marriage I feel many will work harder to keep that sanctity of marriage together then they will a long term relationship. Especially if there is no children involved. Now if you and your long-term relationship have things together... guess what.. the same shit involved in a divorce will almost have to go thru some legal ratification too.
 
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I think marriage is still a goal for most people, it's just a goal deferred. People no longer feel like they failed in life because they aren't married by 30. I definitely agree with social media and dating apps changing how we date and communicate with one another.
You would get married?
 
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