'A Better Man.'

[Golden]

Filmmaker Attiya Khan sits down with her ex-partner who physically abused her in a new documentary, 'A Better Man.' (National Film Board of Canada)

http://www.cbc.ca/radio/thecurrent/...-abuser-in-documentary-a-better-man-1.4083139

The trauma of an abusive relationship with an ex-partner has haunted Attiya Khan for two decades. Khan was physically abused by her then boyfriend Steve for almost every day during their 2-year relationship in high school.

In the documentary, A Better Man, co-directors Lawrence Jackman and Khan reach out to Steve 20 years after their relationship ended to explore a unique perspective on domestic violence.



Khan ran into Steve frequently during those 20 years on the streets of Toronto. She was initially terrified of him, but after talking to him several times, she became curious about how the abusive relationship had affected him.

"There was something in me where I was like I want to know, I want to know how he's doing," Khan tells The Current's Anna Maria Tremonti.



Filmmaker and abuse survivor Attiya Khan says there is so much silence surrounding domestic violence. (National Film Board of Canada)

"The big question for me was I've been dealing with the trauma from this abuse for over 20 years since he's done it, has this affected him in any way? Does the abuse people that people who use violence use, does it affect their lives? So I became curious about that question."

 

[Golden]

It's about context, not excuses

While it was painful to talk with her ex-partner, Khan felt it was important to share this story because those who commit violence also need help. She tells Tremonti that knowing Steven experienced violence when he was younger was significant but also something Khan admits she struggled with.

"I felt really guilty because I was like, 'Is this giving him an excuse?' But it's not. It provides context. And the truth is that there is a lot of violence in this world, and it's a known fact that people who have experienced violence when they were children are possibly going to either experience violence themselves or they may use violence. For me that's key," Khan explains.

She feels an important aspect of the film is that it highlights "that people who use violence do need help and that help does exist."

 

[Race Jones]

yeah its a no for me Dawg

 

[Golden]

yeah its a no for me Dawg

crazy doc

 

[Race Jones]

There is a Ted Talks like this featuring a woman and her rapist

 

[Duwop]

This is why I like to write though.

We as society, my self largely included, are judgemental as hell.

Like the second someone is guilty of something they lose all humanity to us, and we are largely interested in hearing their excuse because we passed judgment and don't want to go back on it.

So I try to like making the most likable and sympathetic characters in my stories the ones who commit some of the worse crimes we'd normally pass judgment on.

Like how in snatched,, everyone was so quick to identify with Jeff.... Even though he shot an innocent pregnant woman in cold blood.

Like the news headline the next morning would read " fatal shoot out in supermarket parking lot, among dead 9 month pregnant woman and child being carried"

If we saw that story on the news,, we'd be instantly be like that dude has no soul and deserves the worse possible punishment. But everyone loved his character the most.....

I think imma write a story where the most likable character beats his girl.... and see if I can pull it off in a way where a woman reader would feel she deserved it....

Just my thoughts reading this and y'all comments. She was legit concerned what he was thinking and what he was going thru,, where most of us wouldn't give a shit cuz we already wrote him off as scum

 

[Race Jones]

I think imma write a story where the most likable character beats his girl.... and see if I can pull it off in a way where a woman reader would feel she deserved it....

This is so gross.

 

[Duwop]

This is so gross.

It's interesting to me....

I'm always amazed at those kinda double standards...

Like imagine what's love got to do with it from Ike's eyes....

That joint would be deep as hell,, and hella tragic...

When you know a persons fears and insecurities... Their vulnerabilities..... Its hard to demonize them....

I'm no psychologist, but I like to play with that theme.

I've been writing the same piece since February cuz I keep getting stuck trying to make a crazy character seem normal by her own account.

Like in any other voice, she's the clear irredeemable protagonist. She's a villain. And yet the story is from her point of view. So no matter how evil she is,, I can't lose the reader, so she has to be Identifiable.