The Queen of Accountability is running wild out here....

Duwop said:
I'd still give her grace in the matter. She's young, she's unsure. It's a complicated situation. And miscommunication is a common part of life that I've learned to not take personally. Especially cuz girls can be fickled and impressionable.

It would be very easy for me to shrug it off and just concentrate on being supportive of giving her the day she wants.
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You say that, but you're not in that situation. Maybe you would do what you say. Maybe you wouldn't. No one knows for sure. We'll just leave it at that.

Saying this man is acting like a bitch for being hurt is crazy. I'm one of those people who clings wholeheartedly to the archaic notion that men should be in control of their feelings. I'm also smart enough to know that's bullshit. Getting upset when someone hurts you isn't something that bitches do. It's something human being do. This man put a lot into raising someone else's child, and that child essentially told him she doesn't care by the way she handled this situation. Anyone would be upset about that.
 
mryounggun said:
This is a lot of words for 'The step father needs to stop acting like a bitch'. That's it.

It has NOTHING to do with his feelings. He's entitled to feel however he feels. There are no wrong feelings. Because you can't control your feelings. But you can control how you react to those feelings and what you do in response to those feelings.

Nigga got his feelings hurt and immediately started acting like a bitch nigga.

It's ok. We can empathize with his feelings while still recognizing that he acted like a bitch. His behavior was extremely feminine.
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Exactly. I don't think anyone is invalidating his feelings. The actions should be the actual point of discussion. She went about it in a way that could've been done better. He reacted in a way that could lead someone to question just how much he actually cared about her outside of the transactional things he provided.
 
The Lonious Monk said:
You say that, but you're not in that situation. Maybe you would do what you say. Maybe you wouldn't. No one knows for sure. We'll just leave it at that.

Saying this man is acting like a bitch for being hurt is crazy. I'm one of those people who clings wholeheartedly to the archaic notion that men should be in control of their feelings. I'm also smart enough to know that's bullshit. Getting upset when someone hurts you isn't something that bitches do. It's something human being do. This man put a lot into raising someone else's child, and that child essentially told him she doesn't care by the way she handled this situation. Anyone would be upset about that.
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Children say wild shit all the time. It may be years later for her to really have the maturity to understand how it could have been a bad play.

And for me, I'd rather still be an active part of her life and say it's okay... I'm still here for you.... Than to let that be the end of my relationship with a child I helped raise.
 
The Lonious Monk said:
You say that, but you're not in that situation. Maybe you would do what you say. Maybe you wouldn't. No one knows for sure. We'll just leave it at that.

Saying this man is acting like a bitch for being hurt is crazy. I'm one of those people who clings wholeheartedly to the archaic notion that men should be in control of their feelings. I'm also smart enough to know that's bullshit. Getting upset when someone hurts you isn't something that bitches do. It's something human being do. This man put a lot into raising someone else's child, and that child essentially told him she doesn't care by the way she handled this situation. Anyone would be upset about that.
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The "he's acting like a bitch" isn't in regards to his feelings. It's his actions after those feelings. Of course it's a hurtful situation. But if he truly loved her, that one moment shouldn't erase all of that.
 
Also, i don't care how many women you got pregnant. Don't ever think of yourself as a father if you are not a constant in that child's life. There are too many loser ass dudes that feel like men because they came in some easy strange. You are actually far less a man than the most faggot of faggots because you did not raise your seed. This will never not be strange to me; the amount of men that feel validated despite this being their situation.

Lowkey parenting isn't hard. What's difficult is humbling yourself and checking your ego so that you can be an example to your children. Too many losers blame the mother or the situation. I salute all the single fathers that decided to raise their children rather than allow them to be with a crappy mom just because the dad made a mistake of getting a crappy woman pregnant. Those are the most alpha of men.
 
Duwop said:
I disagree with this. Strongly. Like do you even care WHY she wants her father there? It's just fuck her cuz she didn't choose you? Fuck her day, and fuck her happiness bcuz you didn't get chosen on her day.

I mean, I guess y'all get the life y'all deserve. You write her off cuz she's dumb.
She writes you off because you're emotionally immature.

Yeah can go y'all separate ways. She was never really your daughter to begin with right? One day certainly proves that right?

Foh
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Think clearly. Why would she want to connect with someone that has made no effort to connect with her? That's a red flag that says something has gone terribly wrong. Anytime a woman chases a man that has either abused her or neglected her needs (especially from a parent/child dynamic), that tells me she is confused about her place in life and if she deserves love. If she's at that point despite me raising her, that means something has gone and wrong that she will need space and time to figure out. When people are in that sort of emotional/ mental space, they can only save themselves and will ruin you if you try to do the saving for them.
 
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BlackRain said:
The "he's acting like a bitch" isn't in regards to his feelings. It's his actions after those feelings. Of course it's a hurtful situation. But if he truly loved her, that one moment shouldn't erase all of that.
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I actually didn't understand being hurt.

Kids do wild shit. Weddings be wild as fuck sometimes.

I actually performed a wedding for a childhood friend once. And knowing her like I know her... Both her parents were probably reluctant to have me officiate the wedding. They have clergy in their family. Her dad was paying for everything. Her mom knows how much me and shorty used to clown back in the day... But it was her day. It's what she wanted. I didn't know her husband or any of the groomsmen.... But she wanted me to be a part of her big day, and she knew I was capable of delivering a good speech in front of a crowd, so she all but forced me to do it.

There were definitely some older members in her family that felt some kinda way about being chosen over... But again, it wasn't their day. She wanted me to do it. And there were clearly feelings behind the scenes.... But fuck all that

You gotta let the bride have their day.
 
Duwop said:
Children say wild shit all the time. It may be years later for her to really have the maturity to understand how it could have been a bad play.

And for me, I'd rather still be an active part of her life and say it's okay... I'm still here for you.... Than to let that be the end of my relationship with a child I helped raise.
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She's not a child. She's an adult. She should have had enough sense to consider his feelings, and she actually did. She said as much. She chose her own comfort over doing what was right.

And I actually do believe you when you say you'd choose the relationship in the end. I just don't think you'd be as cavalier about as you're making it seem

BlackRain said:
The "he's acting like a bitch" isn't in regards to his feelings. It's his actions after those feelings. Of course it's a hurtful situation. But if he truly loved her, that one moment shouldn't erase all of that.
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This is the real world not a Tyler Perry movie. Everybody's love comes with conditions, and when those conditions aren't met, that love can be replaced by other feelings fast. I agree his actions seem extreme, but a lot of the time, the stronger the feelings, the stronger the reaction. He likely loved that girl a lot, and that's why he took the perceived betrayal so hard.

I've rarely in my life responded strongly to anything and that's because I mostly never gave a fuck about anything. Imagine how deeply he was cut to take it where he did. That's not him being a bitch. That's him flailing in an attempt to deal with that hurt.

Again, all of this probably could have been avoided if the chick just put two seconds into trying to preserve his feelings.
 
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Duwop said:
I'm at that age where if I held you as a baby, you always a child to me 😭
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Fair and interesting.

I actually think that makes a big difference in how someone might react in this situation. Like my children are my "babies" but I don't look at them like that. I expect them to have age appropriate reasoning ability and I get on them hard when they don't demonstrate that.
 
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Duwop said:
So you understand her conflict ?

And you decide to also abandon her?
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I don't support stupid if I didn't raise a stupid person. That means she's choosing this for reasons I don't care to entertain. Its one thing to want a relationship with the loser, but to replace me on that particular day "just because" doesn't make much sense unless she's already emotionally/mentally damaged. Which means something happen outside of my parenting and my control. She's an adult, at that point you stop holding their hand while they make mistakes. They know better, so they are choosing the wrong for some reason.
 
Duwop said:
I actually didn't understand being hurt.

Kids do wild shit. Weddings be wild as fuck sometimes.

I actually performed a wedding for a childhood friend once. And knowing her like I know her... Both her parents were probably reluctant to have me officiate the wedding. They have clergy in their family. Her dad was paying for everything. Her mom knows how much me and shorty used to clown back in the day... But it was her day. It's what she wanted. I didn't know her husband or any of the groomsmen.... But she wanted me to be a part of her big day, and she knew I was capable of delivering a good speech in front of a crowd, so she all but forced me to do it.

There were definitely some older members in her family that felt some kinda way about being chosen over... But again, it wasn't their day. She wanted me to do it. And there were clearly feelings behind the scenes.... But fuck all that

You gotta let the bride have their day.
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Nah it's a hurtful situation. The fear of being replaced or seen as disposable is something alot of men deal with. And in his mind that fear became a reality. So yeah it's definitely hurtful
 
Loneshot said:
I don't support stupid if I didn't raise a stupid person. That means she's choosing this for reasons I don't care to entertain. Its one thing to want a relationship with the loser, but to replace me on that particular day "just because" doesn't make much sense unless she's already emotionally/mentally damaged. Which means something happen outside of my parenting and my control. She's an adult, at that point you stop holding their hand while they make mistakes. They know better, so they are choosing the wrong for some reason.
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I don't think abandonment issues, and self worth issue due to a parents rejection are stupid reasons. I've watched that shit constantly break people over and over again. I think she definitely needs therapy. Not another person to abandon and reject her.
 
The Lonious Monk said:
She's not a child. She's an adult. She should have had enough sense to consider his feelings, and she actually did. She said as much. She chose her own comfort over doing what was right.

And I actually do believe you when you say you'd choose the relationship in the end. I just don't think you'd be as cavalier about as you're making it seem



This is the real world not a Tyler Perry movie. Everybody's love comes with conditions, and when those conditions aren't met, that love can be replaced by other feelings fast. I agree his actions seem extreme, but a lot of the time, the stronger the feelings, the stronger the reaction. He likely loved that girl a lot, and that's why he took the perceived betrayal so hard.

I've rarely in my life responded strongly to anything and that's because I mostly never gave a fuck about anything. Imagine how deeply he was cut to take it where he did. That's not him being a bitch. That's him flailing in an attempt to deal with that hurt.

Again, all of this probably could have been avoided if the chick just put two seconds into trying to preserve his feelings.
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I don't think the love for your child comes with conditions. That's the one area where I don't think that applies. Replace the word "bitch" with flailing and I still don't agree with cutting them off over this.
 
BlackRain said:
Nah it's a hurtful situation. The fear of being replaced or seen as disposable is something alot of men deal with. And in his mind that fear became a reality. So yeah it's definitely hurtful
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I struggle with that, because when you are in parental mode, you tend to place your feelings on the back burner to support the child. It's one day. Not her entire life. That father may be gone again in a couple months. He may be horrible at being a grandfather and do the same shit to her kids as he did to her... It is a cycle. So me....I would still wanna be there in the event she still needs me to be there if dude continues his pattern of behavior after getting it together for one day.
 
Loneshot said:
I don't support stupid if I didn't raise a stupid person. That means she's choosing this for reasons I don't care to entertain. Its one thing to want a relationship with the loser, but to replace me on that particular day "just because" doesn't make much sense unless she's already emotionally/mentally damaged. Which means something happen outside of my parenting and my control. She's an adult, at that point you stop holding their hand while they make mistakes. They know better, so they are choosing the wrong for some reason.
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That would probably add to their confusion to pull your love away from them
 
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