When it comes to sex...We tend to acknowledge the great things that a person does. But…

[IP360]

...how open are you with them about their FLAWS in that department?

For exmple, are there certains things they did in the beginning that you had like, but now they no longer do? If so...do you bring it up? Or just learned to accept it?

On the flipside...have they brought up things YOU use to do, but for reason stopped doing them? If so, what was the conversation like? Afterwards, was anything resolved? Did thing remain the same, or did they improve?

Speak ya minds

 

[16bitSheez]

The idea that their can be “flaws” seems pretentious as hell. And so does any complaints of sexual performance to the point of being a discussion. It’s not something I’d be flattered to discuss.
No need to use words, just demonstrate.

 

[Scandalust313]

...how open are you with them about their FLAWS in that department?

For exmple, are there certains things they did in the beginning that you had like, but now they no longer do? If so...do you bring it up? Or just learned to accept it?

On the flipside...have they brought up things YOU use to do, but for reason stopped doing them? If so, what was the conversation like? Afterwards, was anything resolved? Did thing remain the same, or did they improve?

Speak ya minds

This is a good thread topic IP!

Happy Wednesday, Sir

 

[IP360]

The idea that their can be “flaws” seems pretentious as hell. And so does any complaints of sexual performance to the point of being a discussion. It’s not something I’d be flattered to discuss.
No need to use words, just demonstrate.

But how can you demonstrate w/o tellin the other person that flaw is?

 

[16bitSheez]

But how can you demonstrate w/o tellin the other person that flaw is?

I don’t know about “flaws” in bed. I don’t really judge and I’m not drawing too many boundaries, just trying to keep the positive experience going and if wanting to be suggestive, that can be done using your hands and touching. Can you give an example?

Are we talking about, “She don’t give head like she used to do” type scenarios or what

 

[IP360]

I don’t know about “flaws” in bed. I don’t really judge and I’m not drawing too many boundaries, just trying to keep the positive experience going and if wanting to be suggestive, that can be done using your hands and touching. Can you give an example?

Are we talking about, “She don’t give head like she used to do” type scenarios or what

Bolded for example.

Or maybe they (or you) have become a lil "lazy" in the bedroom. Like there's a lack of effort to willingly please. That kinda thing.

 

[Chicity]

We talk it out. Closed mouths don't get fed. Dont sex me like you did the last nigga. Etc etc

In the illustrious poet Pusha Ton....

'Never met a chick that didn't need a lil guidance'

 

[16bitSheez]

Bolded for example.

Or maybe they (or you) have become a lil "lazy" in the bedroom. Like there's a lack of effort to willingly please. That kinda thing.

Ah yea I haven’t really experienced that just yet I guess haven’t been with the person long enough. I don’t require a lot in general I don’t even be tripping on sex, I prefer to let my woman do what she please but I’ve been told before that it would be nice if I initiated more often. But this is after we get to the point where it’s her doing most the initiating with me majority of the time, because that’s always just been my preference…most every girl I been involved with did the initiating, except for when we getting aquatinted at the beginning stages.

 

[IP360]

Ah yea I haven’t really experienced that just yet I guess haven’t been with the person long enough. I don’t require a lot in general I don’t even be tripping on sex, I prefer to let my woman do what she please but I’ve been told before that it would be nice if I initiated more often. But this is after we get to the point where it’s her doing most the initiating with me majority of the time, because that’s always just been my preference…most every girl I been involved with did the initiating, except for when we getting aquatinted at the beginning stages.

Bolded boggles my mind to a certain degree. I mean I get it. Totally understand. Where I have a slight issue wit it...if you want it...get it. That's something I've always said.

Had one a few years ago who woke up...grabbed the condom...slipped it on me...got on top and started riding me...WHILE I WAS STILL ASLEEP! Lol! Woke up wit her just now gettin on top. She didn't wait, or felt like she needed to get permission. Or was keeping score on who initiated the last time (current situation).

 

[IP360]

I remember I tried to have a discussion like this wit my ex...GRHS. Yeeeeaaahhh...that didn't end well.

She completely translated as an attack on her, when really I was just trying to have an open discussion wit her. Lookin back...I think she reacted that way to avoid wanting to change things.

 

[16bitSheez]

I remember I tried to have a discussion like this wit my ex...GRHS. Yeeeeaaahhh...that didn't end well.

She completely translated as an attack on her, when really I was just trying to have an open discussion wit her. Lookin back...I think she reacted that way to avoid wanting to change things.

That’s going to happen. We dealing with persuasion. And the natural reaction is to resist when someone else try to impose expectation onto us. And when it’s about sex, personal egos is on the line so the defenses is even tougher to go down. But if you can find a way to suggest it as if it was her own idea, you won’t get those defensive reactions. That’s why I say, if it’s something you want, It’s much better to try to suggest what you want without words. At most let them know with as few words possible.

Actually I remember one girl I used to talk to really enjoyed head, and became vocal about wanting to receive more, saying it’s a problem if she don’t, because that’s what she used to (in other relationships). I was taken aback, almost resented the fact she said it would be an “issue”, because bottom line is I never knew that anything we did in the bed was a requirement, I assume it’s all voluntary. unless we in a life long commitment aka marriage. Until then, I’m not putting expectation onto either of us no matter what the urge is. And any woman that struggle controlling her own personal urges as adult already loses some attraction to me. I don’t got time to be worrying about what you might do while I’m away on a business trip for a week or two while your “uncontrollable urge” comes on you. Besides, it didnt make sense for her to have such expectation of me in the first place because as I had mention once before, I ain’t fast like that, and it’s not something I’m into as per “the norm. it’s one of those things I save for when the relationship get more on a higher level of commitment.

 

[Eartha Clit]

I communicate very well.

 

[Ironman]

Just gotta be honest but say it as to let her know it isn't an attack or that something is wrong with her. If yall want to spice it up or suggest you like something this way I mean it's not like said sig other would just know if you don't say anything lol.

 

[shutupGabi]

The idea that their can be “flaws” seems pretentious as hell. And so does any complaints of sexual performance to the point of being a discussion. It’s not something I’d be flattered to discuss.
No need to use words, just demonstrate.

Yea im kinda on the "doesn't matter, had sex" wave of thought too lol.

Like ill say what I want in the moment, but having a discussion outside of that sound weird. Yall breaking down game film and shit lol

 

[IP360]

Yea im kinda on the "doesn't matter, had sex" wave of thought too lol.

Like ill say what I want in the moment, but having a discussion outside of that sound weird. Yall breaking down game film and shit lol

So a brotha starts biting on YOUR nippples a lil to aggressively and slightly painful. This happens on more than one occasion, and you don't like it.

You still sticking wit the "Don't matter, had sex" mantra? Or you gonna have a talk with ole boy, and tell him you not a fan of that?

Go

 

[ImaInfluenza]

Usually by the time I have sex with a woman, we’ve already discussed it in great detail and I enact what we’ve talked about. Usually if it happens again, I take that as confirmation that she’s down. To be honest, the first month or so of fucking is animalistic fucking cause it’s new. If it’s a relationship, I’ll check wit her. Never had bad sex from my point of view.

 

[shutupGabi]

So a brotha starts biting on YOUR nippples a lil to aggressively and slightly painful. This happens on more than one occasion, and you don't like it.

You still sticking wit the "Don't matter, had sex" mantra? Or you gonna have a talk with ole boy, and tell him you not a fan of that?

Go

I'll tell him in the moment. If I don't like whats going on then I'll just stop and we won't be going any further

 

[Ironman]

Yea im kinda on the "doesn't matter, had sex" wave of thought too lol.

Like ill say what I want in the moment, but having a discussion outside of that sound weird. Yall breaking down game film and shit lol

"You see if you squat like this from 30° it'll increase my max thrust into your cervix exponentially!"

 

[Royal]

I try to pay attention to my guy. You notice oh he not clinching his toes anymore when I do such n such. Or his facial expressions are different. Every dude different but some men don't really want to tell you hey u could do better with xyz. I have had super frustrating moments where the guy is trying to tell me how to or he like it like this or do it this way and the shit is not comfortable or painful for me. Gotta work for both people. And even asking hey do u like this or is this working for you can open the door for safe, non judgment conversation. It doesn't always feel good to know your not satisfying your partner and they just tolerating. Some men are too prideful to listen and really pay attention, which led to me being like ok well this ain't working. It's not just insert here and go.
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