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OPINION What’s your dating scene like?

royalascension said:
Both are true at the same damn time.

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Ever since I had daughters there has been a shift in the way I see women. I have someone I know that when we are in the same vehicle, he’ll be damn near out the car looking at ass and the crotch of women wearing leggings. I personally have shortened my gaze to a few seconds and if we make eye contact and they even look mildly uncomfortable, I feel like a creep. At the same time it’s open my eyes even more to how men treat women. Hearing some of the shit they tell me they do, how they view women. Even throw back to songs like “bitches ain’t shit” by snoop. I know there are a lot of scandalous women out here too..so I ain’t tryna be a pic me. But I do feel for you women that are seeking legit and meaningful relationships with men. It’s like that old double dare game from back in the day. Y’all blind folded dipping your face in gunk, hoping you find what you are looking for.
 
Punctual And Organized said:
Ever since I had daughters there has been a shift in the way I see women. I have someone I know that when we are in the same vehicle, he’ll be damn near out the car looking at ass and the crotch of women wearing leggings. I personally have shortened my gaze to a few seconds and if we make eye contact and they even look mildly uncomfortable, I feel like a creep. At the same time it’s open my eyes even more to how men treat women. Hearing some of the shit they tell me they do, how they view women. Even throw back to songs like “bitches ain’t shit” by snoop. I know there are a lot of scandalous women out here too..so I ain’t tryna be a pic me. But I do feel for you women that are seeking legit and meaningful relationships with men. It’s like that old double dare game from back in the day. Y’all blind folded dipping your face in gunk, hoping you find what you are looking for.
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Yes exactly 💯. You have fraudulent men and women. I have just ran across nothing but frauds 90% of the time lol. Not even on the sexual part. Just in the basics of do we both align on what is a relationship and what's not. Everyone has different definitions of "relationship" or being someone's man or women.

I am attracting men who at first show me the things I like and desire. I need to work on my energy so I can stop doing whatever I am doing that is bringing the men I don't want into my life.

Example: one trait I want is....
A man who can be supportive emotionally and not check out. So at 1st he will speak and behave in a way that leads me to believe that he is capable of communicating his feelings and gives space for me to do the same. That it's safe to talk through these points. But it seems as though the person I met disappears and some new corn ball ass nigga pop up on some fuck shit. Like the newness of me done wore off so he don't have to pretend anymore.

And I am very direct and up front. So ain't no switch up on my end.
 
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royalascension said:
Yes exactly 💯. You have fraudulent men and women. I have just ran across nothing but frauds 90% of the time lol. Not even on the sexual part. Just in the basics of do we both align on what is a relationship and what's not. Everyone has different definitions of "relationship" or being someone's mam or women.

I am attracting men who at first show me the things I like and desire. I need to work on my energy so I can stop doing whatever I am doing that is bringing the men I don't want into my life.

Example: one trait I want is....
A man who can be supportive emotionally and not check out. So at 1st he will speak and behave in a way that leads me to believe that he is capable of communicating his feelings and gives space for me to do the same. That it's safe to talk through these points. But it seems as though the person I met disappears and some new corn ball ass nigga pop up on some fuck shit. Like the newness of me done wore off so he don't have to pretend anymore.

And I am very direct and up front. So ain't no switch up on my end.
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That’s tough but I don’t think you should take on the burden of, you needing to switch up what you do. Men for the most part are afraid of being who they really are. So when men first meet women, it’s easier to be who the woman wants him to be rather than who he really is. We are hammered with programming over and over that women want this or want that. Not only from women but from men that make it seem like they have the key to success with women.

That being the case, most men are fine with being the caricature needed, based on the woman they are talking to. Then as you said, once y’all get cool,..it’s not that they change, it’s that they feel it’s safe to be themselves. Unfortunately, a lot of men are..themselves, misogynistic, insensitive, emotionally unavailable assholes. But, that’s cause even when they are that, it’s not who they really are.

They stop being who they thought you wanted, and became who society says they are supposed to be, rather than be who they are. The world isn’t open to our feelings, our hurt, or pain, our fears and insecurity. So most of us don’t know how to function in that realm. And ima be real, I’m just now journeying into it. It’s fucking work. It’s hard, it’s lonely, it’s painful, it’s much harder to learn this shit as a man than as a boy.

So ya’mean. I would say..I would hope that you know that you needn’t change how you appeal to men. I would say, the best way to score a man that emotionally developed…cause those men are just as much as you done with the games. Is to be a fully mature and emotionally available woman that treats him like a puppy.

Like a hurt puppy, who doesn’t trust..if that makes sense. Puppies need to be trained on how to behave in your house, there are rewards for doing things right and there is discipline for doing things wrong. You have to be the one in control, he has to know that you don’t need him, you want him. But you can leave him if you need to.

ion know..I’m rambling
 
Tayboo said:
Care to share more? I'm curious to hear a guys perspective...
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Chemistry issues mainly. Didnt have any terrible dates. Last woman I dated, she was dope. Had 3 dates. When I asked her out a forth time, She said she connected with someone else. She was talking to someone else it the same time. Not mad at it. Spread your net until you see who you connect with most. One before that, the convo was dry. Talked by app before I met her. I was asking all the questions and she really didnt ask anything. When we went on the date, she was more talkative. We were vibing. So I got her number. Called her a few times and it is back to me asking questions. I just stopped calling after that.
 
loud-ninja said:
Chemistry issues mainly. Didnt have any terrible dates. Last woman I dated, she was dope. Had 3 dates. When I asked her out a forth time, She said she connected with someone else. She was talking to someone else it the same time. Not mad at it. Spread your net until you see who you connect with most. One before that, the convo was dry. Talked by app before I met her. I was asking all the questions and she really didnt ask anything. When we went on the date, she was more talkative. We were vibing. So I got her number. Called her a few times and it is back to me asking questions. I just stopped calling after that.
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That does suck, especially the dry conversation. You feel like you're doing an interview. It seems this has gotten worse the older I get, which is really weird.
 
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I'm allowing my dating life to pick up a bit more...I never go into a dating situation expecting anything. If dating a certain dude looks like it could lead to a relationship or he expresses that's on his agenda with me, I'm open to giving that particular dude my focus/attention...if it leads to a relationship, great...if not oh well. I always keep my options open while dating.
 
I think I realize I’m too selfish wit my time to want anything but sex. I don’t feel like caring about anyone else but me. I don’t think it’s cool to subject any woman to who I am right now.
 
I got out of a 3 year relationship in like June.. Shoulda been over well before that honestly.. I told myself though that I would catch up on all that I passed up during that time if I was single again, but when it happened I realized the streets aint for me nomore lol. and i didnt.. I did meet up with an old fling from Dallas in Shreveport since it was like the midway point btw us.. Just cause i knew our chemistry or whatever, i knew it wouldnt be a wasted drive. But other than that I been chilling.. I'm slowly realizing its hard out here..The younger women I'm encountering dont seem to have any substance and the older ones seem to be damaged beyond repair. So I dunno mane. Im in a space where I dont wanna date just to be dating, but I also want companionship..
 
DOPE33 said:
I got out of a 3 year relationship in like June.. Shoulda been over well before that honestly.. I told myself though that I would catch up on all that I passed up during that time if I was single again, but when it happened I realized the streets aint for me nomore lol. and i didnt.. I did meet up with an old fling from Dallas in Shreveport since it was like the midway point btw us.. Just cause i knew our chemistry or whatever, i knew it wouldnt be a wasted drive. But other than that I been chilling.. I'm slowly realizing its hard out here..The younger women I'm encountering dont seem to have any substance and the older ones seem to be damaged beyond repair. So I dunno mane. Im in a space where I dont wanna date just to be dating, but I also want companionship..
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Yikes

The way I can relate to this verbatim is wild
 
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