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Is it wrong to only date one race?

D

DugoutDubya

New Member
In order to (try) and prevent bias I won't use actual races but instead the letters A and B. I am a part of race A (I am Black/African American). Race B is who I like.

I would like some help with the following issue I am having: I have never been and/or can't be attracted to my own race. I have always been attracted to race B both in platonic friendships and romantic partnerships. Now, this has never been an issue for me because I've always found race B to be very interested in me both romantically and just as friends, but for some reasons lately I am struggling with the feeling that I am a "traitor" to my own because I would not date someone from race A and I have some, but not many at all, friends of race B. Though mostly just my own family. I think it is partly because growing up and in college, I was surrounded 95-100% of the time by race B. So I am just accustomed to them. I have trouble finding race A attractive both physically and mentally.

Any suggestions?
 
If you date a group of people because you fetishize them or because or because you are disparinging your own people that's a self hate issue but if you can honestly say your attraction and preference is not some internalized hate or inadequacy that you are compensating for than more power to you...

Many people are not honest with themselves they may attach themselves to men/women of said race due pre-conceived streotypical notions
 
It is not wrong, but for the reasons you listed I would say something is wrong with your thought process behind it.
I have an inclination to date someone that is like me genetically, however there are many different races on this planet and to fall into the bs notion of “we need to preserve our race” is an old way of thinking that I think should’ve died a long time ago.
Are you mixed? part of your family is race B if i read that right?
I don’t think it’s a growing up thing. I lived around black folks my entire life and now living in a new state I see a lot of different races and I’m pretty much attracted to all of them. Its another story mentally tho lol.

so again to clarify you aren’t necessarily a traitor. but I think you need to address your feelings toward your race moving forward.
 
Playmaker88 said:
If you date a group of people because you fetishize them or because or because you are disparinging your own people that's a self hate issue but if you can honestly say your attraction and preference is not some internalized hate or inadequacy that you are compensating for than more power to you...

Many people are not honest with themselves they may attach themselves to men/women of said race due pre-conceived streotypical notions
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One of the big reasons why I think I am not totally attracted to my own is because it's hard to find men that can relate to my background and current position/status in society as it's not (super) common in the Black Community at large numbers especially considering where in the USA I live right now. I don't like to be stereotypical, and not trying to come off as a "snowflake" or have an I am better than you attitude, but the attributes/qualities that I hold and would like to find in a relationship partner are usually ascribed to Race B. I would love to find someone with these characteristics in my own race but that's something I struggle with, I've literally only met one guy like that years ago and we are better friends than in a relationship with each other. Is this still fetishization?

bluntedsultan said:
It is not wrong, but for the reasons you listed I would say something is wrong with your thought process behind it.
I have an inclination to date someone that is like me genetically, however there are many different races on this planet and to fall into the bs notion of “we need to preserve our race” is an old way of thinking that I think should’ve died a long time ago.
Are you mixed? part of your family is race B if i read that right?
I don’t think it’s a growing up thing. I lived around black folks my entire life and now living in a new state I see a lot of different races and I’m pretty much attracted to all of them. Its another story mentally tho lol.

so again to clarify you aren’t necessarily a traitor. but I think you need to address your feelings toward your race moving forward.
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No, I am not mixed, I am 100% Black. My family/Mom & Dad raised me in a community of a 98% majority Race B though, so I did not interact with many other Black people in school and growing up (even the "city" around me was mostly Race B). The same thing happened to my mom and dad too, and they also associate mostly with Race B. To give context through school, in my graduating class with me, there were four black people total- including me. I do realize this is a bit of an odd situation. Basically, I am Black but have not associated with many other Blacks throughout my life besides family and a few friends. I'm always in situations/places with other races.

ChicagoFigure said:
Sticking to within your own i understand

Outside of that if u stick to outside your own thats a red flag

And regardless how an individual views their interracial relationship is completely diff than how society views it. U can be genuine af but the outside world will treat u completely different.
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What would you say it is a red flag for? I have had any incidents- that I know of- to my face but I do know that behind closed doors I am sure people judge, unfortunately.
 
DugoutDubya said:
No@Chicity What's so riotous about my post... I see you marked it with a laughing emoticon?
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You sounds young, naive, uninformed, and full hate.

But you don't need a reason to justify why you only fuck with white dudes, excuse me, race B. As long as it makes sense to you. Hell even if it don't, its your life
 
Rubato said:
Guessing you don’t like niggas cause they don’t use words like riotous...

Fwm I got all kinds of words
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Okay, so I don't use *that* horrific word that starts with an N so I will pretend you said "you don't like Black males", but anyways like I stated in the OP I did find someone Black that was similar to me years ago but it only worked out as friends. I'm attracted to someone who is cerebral, erudite, and high brow - so since you state that Black males "don't use words like riotous", do you believe that most of them do not fit the above criterion? Word choice and usage says a lot about a person their background, upbringing, and education. I am unhappy that I can't find a Black male partner who meets me at and above my qualifications. I have always wondered why that is.

Not sure what an "FWM" is, sorry.

By the way, just for my information, are you a Black male? Honestly by the way you type you seem to be so-- but I would hate to just assume.

Chicity said:
You sounds young, naive, uninformed, and full hate.

But you don't need a reason to justify why you only fuck with white dudes, excuse me, race B. As long as it makes sense to you. Hell even if it don't, its your life
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A. What is your standard for "young"? That may or may not be true depending upon your definition.
B. Naive? Would have to disagree.
C. Uninformed? Would also have to disagree.
D. Interesting, as I definitely did not state "white dudes" in my original post, maybe this is a projection of yours of what race you believe me to be discussing? Anyways, I said Race B- I specifically did not state what race that is due to not wanting any implications of bias or attract any illiberal people towards my thread. I do know how some people feel towards interracial couplings, lamentably.

I am trying to gather opinions about this matter from people outside my worldview so thanks for your input.

Rubato said:
I feel like OP lives abroad
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No. USA. I will not give my exact location but I am on the East Coast.

Alle'Oop said:
How can you find yourself attractive if you arent able to recognize attractive in those that resemble you?

U don't have to date your own race but to find zero attraction, u dont think u urself can b. Probably end up as a fetish for race b.
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It's not a net zero attraction thing- I do find some Black men that are physically attractive. It's just I find many more men of Race B attractive and they are more plentiful around me. Should have been clearer in the OP about that. I think I am extremely attractive and have been told that by others... of course that is something that is subjective.


----
Post edited by me- Accidentally capitalized the Z in zero. It has been corrected.
 
Rubato said:
I feel like OP lives abroad
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that type of living is not impossible in the US

I met some black people in college who lived a similar lifestyle to OP

hell one of the homies I used to chill with hit me and a few other close friends up about a very similar predicament
 
bluntedsultan said:
that type of living is not impossible in the US

I met some black people in college who lived a similar lifestyle to OP

hell one of the homies I used to chill with hit me and a few other close friends up about a very similar predicament
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Yes I from the East Coast, USA. I went to college and everything here as well too.

jazo85 said:
Yeah, you sound nuts.
To not even consider the historical context which makes you such an "anomaly", and attribute your position to you being special is crazy. Rather you could do some reflecting, travel, and read to consider the societal ills which inhibit your ability to relate to your own people...
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Well, to what do I owe the pleasure jazo85? :) Anywho, as I said in an earlier post I do not believe that I am a "snowflake" or better than anyone- I certainly am not without faults! May I suggest a re-read of my posts for you? Also, to what historical context are you speaking regarding? I love History and even pursued a minor in the subject in university studying all sorts of time periods. To which I am saying, I am very well versed in history but do not let the past define my present or future love life to that extent you are speaking with. I love to reflect, travel and read. I have traveled to 20 countries since the age of two (parents instilled the travel bug in me at a young age!), I read around 100-115 pieces of literature a year (not including poetry and other works of prose), and am always on a continual quest for self-improvement and growth. What would you recommend more for me to do, hm?

Also, I do hope you are not posturing and trying to imply what Race B is with your post- albeit, slyly.

Tripleb’s said:
Date who makes you happy and love who you love. Me personally i would never dilute my bloodline tho
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Well, even if my children are mixed, they will still carry part of me- regardless of what their skin color looks like. Don't you feel like you are cheating yourself out of love if your options are closed off like that, to only one race?
 
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