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How long is long enough to forgive an ex and try again?

konceptjones

The one between three and three.
I recently caught up with one of my boys from all the way back in middle school. Me and P was tight, used to roll up to the titty bars and spit game at the hoes back inna day, tried to start a record label in the early 90's and all that and we kept up and kicked it all the way up to me leaving AZ for NV back in 2011, then we lost touch.

Dude had gotten married back in '97 and shit seemed sweet. I met the wife when they announced their engagement and all that there. She seemed like a good woman from the times I interacted with her and all that. They got married and shit was lovely for a while, at least that's what he told me. Fast forward to 2001. They've been on the outs, he's frustrated 'cause shit ain't working out plus he's been hearing around the way that she might have a lunch nigga or two. They arguing and all that and finally one day my boy comes home from work and their house is cleared the fuck out. She left his clothes and shoes, a folding chair, his foot locker, and a small ass TV in the crib. Bitch even took the food out the kitchen. They got a divorce and she refused to speak to him directly, only through her lawyer like some shit you see in a movie. He's a good dude, tried hard in the marriage and all that and despite his effort she still bailed on him.

Fast forward to now. We spoke the other day and he told me that about a month ago he ran into his ex out at the mall. He hadn't seen her since the divorce so it kinda fucked him up. He said she tried to hug him but he took a step back and he said right there on the spot she apologized to him for doing him dirty all those years ago, then asked if he would be willing to talk to her over coffee or dinner. They went out to dinner and she started off apologizing again, told him he did nothing really wrong and it was all her immaturity that caused issues. He said she admitted to cheating on him with a nigga she worked with and cried while she was talking 'cause she swore she felt bad about it all.

P, being the dude that he is, forgave her and told her that the shit was damned 20 years ago so he can let it all go. He told me that they've been talking a lot and have gone out a few times for coffee just catching up and once to the movies. He's saying they're vibing just like they did when they first met, except now they're in their mid-40's with careers and all that.

I told dude to pump his brakes on this shit. Like, I know the shit was a long ass time ago, and you want to believe that she's changed and all, but I'd be skeptical as fuck when it comes to bringing someone that fucked me over that badly back into my life. I told him he needs to keep her at arms length, if y'all just wanna be cordial and shit that's cool and all, but if it was me I wouldn't be too quick to fuck with a broad that fucked me over even if that shit was 20 years ago. He's tellin me he's feelin her out to see where her head is at and if it seems like she's still that same old broad that left him in an empty house, he's leaving her alone for good.

What say y'all? How long is long enough to forgive an ex for their misdeeds towards you to the point where you would consider another go at a relationship?
 
I mean...20 years is a long azzz time. So I can understand where he coming from about accepting her apology.

Time healed that wound so he probably good. That's why he's able to communicate wit her now. BUT...that nigga should keep his antennas up at ALL TIMES wit her. Yeah that was 20 years ago, but just you forgive a muthafucca...you don't FORGET!

1st question that would pop I my head "What is her intentions?" Me personally...I couldn't get back wit her after that shyt. That's just me. Now I'd smash again if she offered the pussy...but relationship...naw. I gotta see more. Gotta make sure things changed 1st before I even entertain that thought.
 
I mean...20 years is a long azzz time. So I can understand where he coming from about accepting her apology.

Time healed that wound so he probably good. That's why he's able to communicate wit her now. BUT...that nigga should keep his antennas up at ALL TIMES wit her. Yeah that was 20 years ago, but just you forgive a muthafucca...you don't FORGET!

1st question that would pop I my head "What is her intentions?" Me personally...I couldn't get back wit her after that shyt. That's just me. Now I'd smash again if she offered the pussy...but relationship...naw. I gotta see more. Gotta make sure things changed 1st before I even entertain that thought.

The way he's talking he's on some "We'll see where it goes" shits. I genuinely doubt I could entertain that shit, even if it was just to smash, and I'm a forgiving ass person to a fault. I mean... The nigga came home to an empty ass crib, and now you finding out all these years later that she had a lunch nigga like the streets was tellin you in the first place???

tenor.gif



I can't do it.

I just look at my moms for an example. My stepfather was physically abusive with her and did some downright fucked up ass shit to all of us. But she forgave him and they're on good terms now. Just last week she told me that had she never let that shit go that he did, she would never have gotten to know the great man that he is today. Now, having said that she said the thought had never crossed her mind to rekindle a relationship in all their years apart, but she's been good with keeping him as a friend and that's where it stays.
 
Nope, no uh, naah, fuck dat
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I've been in similar situations. Some shit happened in the past and I was over it, so old girl used that forgiveness thinking it meant try again.
Nope it meant smash again at best, not no fuckin relationship u mussi mad.

Forgive don't mean forget or give u the opportunity again.
 
Hopefully she can break down to him why she cheated the first time instead of just saying immature and issues, or its gonna happen again.
 
Nope, no uh, naah, fuck dat
21c.gif


I've been in similar situations. Some shit happened in the past and I was over it, so old girl used that forgiveness thinking it meant try again.
Nope it meant smash again at best, not no fuckin relationship u mussi mad.

Forgive don't mean forget or give u the opportunity again.

The shit with my ex was like that. We were >< this close to trying to make it work when I got a letter in the mail talmbout DNA test for child support. Bitch played me to get my social and drivers license number by asking if I would cosign on an apartment for her and the baby. DNA test came back 0.000% and I haven't spoken to her ever since.
 
I mean me and my ex had a bad break up a few years ago...which I spoke on b4.

I mean I was angry wit her, and was holding on to that anger until the day we happened to see each other again. That way I could just unleash that shyt. But honestly...that shyt was a burden man.

I ended up letting go all resentment I had built up towards her. Best...feeling...ever. It was like a weight lifted and I was free. Ex even hit me back up after 2 years if not speaking. Invited me to dinner...she paid. Talked. She apologized he she ended things. Was expecting me to still be angry, but was shocked that I wasn't.

Even visited her. Smash of course...but that's neither here nor there. But the whole time while I was visiting...she assumed that I wanted to get back together...or things was gonna lead back to that...how she wasn't sure if thats what she wanted. Went on this long rant while driving.

Me...I just sat there and listened. Laughed to myself b/c there was nothing there for her. No residue feelings. No thought of even entertaining the idea. Nothing. Got one final smash after that visit...closed that chapter.

I see where ya boy coming from. Again he gotta keep her at arms length tho.
 
the reason for what happened is what matters most.

if i was the reason...i should forgive because it was on me why it happened...
but if it was anything outside of that......nah
 
ok...after reading the OP.....
nah.....you clean out my house...that i helped buy shit in....nah

aint no coming back from that.

fuck i gotta do when we get back together? superglue everything down? get the ring doorbell so you wont take shit without giving me a heads up?

nah....i cant forgive that.

no matter what i did...you clean out the house you violated.
 
The color font is KILLING ME.

anyway, 20 years is a long time to do some healing and growing

I probably wouldn't remarry her by that depends on where I am in my walk of life, but if she was honest enough to him to admit her shortcomings, that's a huge first step

I would just enjoy the time, not be super exclusive and just take it literally one day at a time
 
The color font is KILLING ME.

anyway, 20 years is a long time to do some healing and growing

I probably wouldn't remarry her by that depends on where I am in my walk of life, but if she was honest enough to him to admit her shortcomings, that's a huge first step

I would just enjoy the time, not be super exclusive and just take it literally one day at a time

me or IP?
 
Gotta move on, if it was 20 years ago and you can't let it go. It's more than likely cause it still hurt, and you won't be able to fully trust her once that initial infatuation stage wear off. You gonna put urself through hell mentally if u walk in a room and she put the phone away.

Can't be doing urself like that
 
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I recently caught up with one of my boys from all the way back in middle school. Me and P was tight, used to roll up to the titty bars and spit game at the hoes back inna day, tried to start a record label in the early 90's and all that and we kept up and kicked it all the way up to me leaving AZ for NV back in 2011, then we lost touch.

Dude had gotten married back in '97 and shit seemed sweet. I met the wife when they announced their engagement and all that there. She seemed like a good woman from the times I interacted with her and all that. They got married and shit was lovely for a while, at least that's what he told me. Fast forward to 2001. They've been on the outs, he's frustrated 'cause shit ain't working out plus he's been hearing around the way that she might have a lunch nigga or two. They arguing and all that and finally one day my boy comes home from work and their house is cleared the fuck out. She left his clothes and shoes, a folding chair, his foot locker, and a small ass TV in the crib. Bitch even took the food out the kitchen. They got a divorce and she refused to speak to him directly, only through her lawyer like some shit you see in a movie. He's a good dude, tried hard in the marriage and all that and despite his effort she still bailed on him.

Fast forward to now. We spoke the other day and he told me that about a month ago he ran into his ex out at the mall. He hadn't seen her since the divorce so it kinda fucked him up. He said she tried to hug him but he took a step back and he said right there on the spot she apologized to him for doing him dirty all those years ago, then asked if he would be willing to talk to her over coffee or dinner. They went out to dinner and she started off apologizing again, told him he did nothing really wrong and it was all her immaturity that caused issues. He said she admitted to cheating on him with a nigga she worked with and cried while she was talking 'cause she swore she felt bad about it all.

P, being the dude that he is, forgave her and told her that the shit was damned 20 years ago so he can let it all go. He told me that they've been talking a lot and have gone out a few times for coffee just catching up and once to the movies. He's saying they're vibing just like they did when they first met, except now they're in their mid-40's with careers and all that.

I told dude to pump his brakes on this shit. Like, I know the shit was a long ass time ago, and you want to believe that she's changed and all, but I'd be skeptical as fuck when it comes to bringing someone that fucked me over that badly back into my life. I told him he needs to keep her at arms length, if y'all just wanna be cordial and shit that's cool and all, but if it was me I wouldn't be too quick to fuck with a broad that fucked me over even if that shit was 20 years ago. He's tellin me he's feelin her out to see where her head is at and if it seems like she's still that same old broad that left him in an empty house, he's leaving her alone for good.

What say y'all? How long is long enough to forgive an ex for their misdeeds towards you to the point where you would consider another go at a relationship?

Im with you on this. My emotional memory is too strong to forgive or forget
 
The color font is KILLING ME.

anyway, 20 years is a long time to do some healing and growing

I probably wouldn't remarry her by that depends on where I am in my walk of life, but if she was honest enough to him to admit her shortcomings, that's a huge first step

I would just enjoy the time, not be super exclusive and just take it literally one day at a time

I get that, but me being who I am once I've run out of forgiveness it's pretty much a wrap. Like with my ex, I gave her multiple chances and finally got fed up. The chick literally lived in the apartment next to mine and I didn't speak to her anymore. When we were still living in SE Michigan I ran into her several times and just ignored her ass. She would prolly have to apologize on her deathbed before I accept it.
 
If I give a woman my attention, respect and loyalty and she screw all of that up because she wanted to be disloyal and mess around on me, then it's no coming back from that. That woman even took it to greater measures by cleaning his crib out to damn near nothing. No, she most def can't come back with open arms. Not only she knew that she was wrong for cheating but she had the indecency to leave him with almost an empty house. She'll be lucky if I gave her a hello 20 years later
 
I get that, but me being who I am once I've run out of forgiveness it's pretty much a wrap. Like with my ex, I gave her multiple chances and finally got fed up. The chick literally lived in the apartment next to mine and I didn't speak to her anymore. When we were still living in SE Michigan I ran into her several times and just ignored her ass. She would prolly have to apologize on her deathbed before I accept it.

I gotta ex that's on the permanent ban list. She crossed a real one and now she gotta make her bed. Every time, I'm out and I'm spotted by her then I can tell that she want to apologize but I completely ignore any contact from her for her to even attempt to. That eats them up inside.
 
I get that, but me being who I am once I've run out of forgiveness it's pretty much a wrap. Like with my ex, I gave her multiple chances and finally got fed up. The chick literally lived in the apartment next to mine and I didn't speak to her anymore. When we were still living in SE Michigan I ran into her several times and just ignored her ass. She would prolly have to apologize on her deathbed before I accept it.
Everyone is in a different place in their walk

To me forgiveness is about what I need to do for my growth. Once I've released that, I can start to heal. Me holding onto it just keeps me in bondage in several areas that I don't need to be wasting energy in
 
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Everyone is in a different place in their walk

To me forgiveness is about what I need to do for my growth. Once I've released that, I can start to heal. Me holding onto it just keeps me in bondage in several areas that I don't need to be wasting energy in

My wife knew my ex and how she played me. We were talking earlier this year and the subject of my ex came up. Wife was like "I wonder what she's doing nowadays" and I replied "Ionno... prolly dead by now." and the wife was like "You know... It's probably time to let that go, that was sooo long ago she's probably not even the same person she was."

Do you really need forgiveness to grow? I don't see that being a necessity like that.
 
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