How Friendly Is Too Friendly?

[Reesey]

So Reesey gotta to come through with her "strange" way of thinking and be the only crazy person in the thread again huh? :word?:.. this some BS

Alright look, King and I have gone to strip clubs before and we have a great time there. Half naked broads all up on his junk and mine too matter fact. I like boobies and booty

When we find time to go out, we have a ball and he dances with other women that I bring to him.

Different strokes for different folks. It's all about what you and your man/lady are cool with.

Let me answer these real quick because I know they are coming.

1.) No we are not swingers
2.) No he is not a cuckold ( hahahaha)
3.) Yes we have a very honest and free relationship
4.) We've been together for 11 years. - It works for us.

 

[Golden]

@Reesey wld u consider ur marriage an open one? Or is it monogamous? I ask because u have posted about not believing in restrictions n such. If u do identify with a label to describe the terms n conditions of ur relationship, can I ask which?

 

[Race Jones]

also @Reesey I think there's a difference here.
This is her friend...... on her mans lap.

I like strippers too but strippers are women I don't have to see anymore after I leave the strip club.
More often than not they don't know me or my man.

However, in this case, shouldn't my friend have a certain level of respect for me?
Fuck that, shouldn't my man have a certain level of respect for me?

I think because they are friends it makes it a tad bit different. no?

 

[Golden]

also @Reesey I think there's a difference here.
This is her friend...... on her mans lap.

I like strippers too but strippers are women I don't have to see anymore after I leave the strip club.
More often than not they don't know me or my man.

However, in this case, shouldn't my friend have a certain level of respect for me?
Fuck that, shouldn't my man have a certain level of respect for me?

I think because they are friends it makes it a tad bit different. no?

Then again, Ciara might have been cool with it.

 

[Race Jones]

I wish I could go into detail about a situation I found myself in similar to this one.

Ill speak about it when I become more comfortable.

Ill I know is, situations that start off as "innocent" as these can turn into something else faster than a NY minute.

I think people should really think critically about these types of things.

Its all fine and dandy---- until its not.

 

[Judge Dread]

I am not going to lie the first time me and wife went to carnival together I was uncomfortable. But we set certain boundaries after the first time. Ok I set certain boundaries and we are cool. Actually I let her play carnival more than me because she enjoys it a lot more than I do but that first time was a test. But I also think that is a cultural thing and not just one of her friends just sitting on lap and even when they were dancing on me I backed up a little.

 

[SeaSnake]

Nope

 

[Race Jones]

Yeah I dont know how I feel about my significant other being close with my friends.
Its all very weird to me and recipe for disaster.

 

[Reesey]

@Reesey wld u consider ur marriage an open one? Or is it monogamous? I ask because u have posted about not believing in restrictions n such. If u do identify with a label to describe the terms n conditions of ur relationship, can I ask which?

I label us as being in a Free relationship. Not so much "open" because we do not just lay around with random folk, that ish is nasty even for us.

and because I am deathly afraid of STD's (unlike some of these ABW males. haha) The woman we choose would need to be monogamous with us if that makes sense.

However, I do not put restrictions on his innate desires. He is human, a man, We are naturally sexual creatures.

The idea that he can come to me and express his interest in another (if ever) and I be down to explore that with him, turns him on something crazy and actually brings us closer together. Being raised in a society that shames being free and programs us to believe it is natural for a man to choose ONE woman, never look at another sexually or find them attractive or more over, shame you and claim that you don't truly love your mate if you do in fact find another attractive or look their way. smh too much to think/stress about.

I allow him to be HIM. I am not religious so the Biblical meaning of marriage i do not follow.

Our rules or restrictions, if you will, is to just be absolutely brutally honest with all thoughts an emotions. We have no worries about one another this way.

also @Reesey I think there's a difference here.
This is her friend...... on her mans lap.

I like strippers too but strippers are women I don't have to see anymore after I leave the strip club.
More often than not they don't know me or my man.

However, in this case, shouldn't my friend have a certain level of respect for me?
Fuck that, shouldn't my man have a certain level of respect for me?

I think because they are friends it makes it a tad bit different. no?

I agree 100% - her friend should have boundaries and respect for Ciara and Russell to not act out of sorts.

But as lady @BNE pointed out, what if in fact Ciara is cool with it. What if their relationship with this 'friend" is more than they care to explain.

We all lead different lifestyles and although mine/theirs may not be common among the masses, it doesn't mean that it is wrong. It only means that it isn't one that you would choose.

 

[Race Jones]

I label us as being in a Free relationship. Not so much "open" because we do not just lay around with random folk, that ish is nasty even for us.

and because I am deathly afraid of STD's (unlike some of these ABW males. haha) The woman we choose would need to be monogamous with us if that makes sense.

However, I do not put restrictions on his innate desires. He is human, a man, We are naturally sexual creatures.

The idea that he can come to me and express his interest in another (if ever) and I be down to explore that with him, turns him on something crazy and actually brings us closer together. Being raised in a society that shames being free and programs us to believe it is natural for a man to choose ONE woman, never look at another sexually or find them attractive or more over, shame you and claim that you don't truly love your mate if you do in fact find another attractive or look their way. smh too much to think/stress about.

I allow him to be HIM. I am not religious so the Biblical meaning of marriage i do not follow.

Our rules or restrictions, if you will, is to just be absolutely brutally honest with all thoughts an emotions. We have no worries about one another this way.




I agree 100% - her friend should have boundaries and respect for Ciara and Russell to not act out of sorts.

But as lady @BNE pointed out, what if in fact Ciara is cool with it. What if their relationship with this 'friend" is more than they care to explain.

We all lead different lifestyles and although mine/theirs may not be common among the masses, it doesn't mean that it is wrong. It only means that it isn't one that you would choose.

I agree wholeheartedly.
Its just the naivete that rubs me the wrong way.
Idk if Ciara is cool with it or not (Idk the back story to any of this shit lol) but the naivete of being cool with things
that may have an adverse affect later on bothers me.

Maybe that's my issue :/

 

[Judge Dread]

Do any of you think it could be the arrogance of it? Ciara thinking that she is much better looking than her/ their friend or just knowing that her man would never that it doesn't matter.

 

[Reesey]

I agree wholeheartedly.
Its just the naivete that rubs me the wrong way.
Idk if Ciara is cool with it or not (Idk the back story to any of this shit lol) but the naivete of being cool with things
they may have an adverse affect later on bothers me.

Maybe that's my issue :/

Yes ma'am, that has happened to many relationships that "thought" they were cool with a little flirting or may have been curious to the "open relationship" idea.

The key to figuring out if you are truly about that life, is to imagine the worst in that situation and ask yourself if you are 'cool' with that.

Thinking ahead to the end result of having a partially free or open relationship is the best way to "truly" find out if you are down for any of it.
If you are not ok with them two having sex, which would be the worst case scenario in this situation, then you should not be ok with her sitting on his lap.

Now that doesn't mean he WILL have sex with her, but... that is always an option right? That door is cracked open just a little bit more with her sitting on his lap or being super flirty correct? That is how everyone else is looking at it as well. Which is why most are like H3ll naw! haha.

 

[Golden]

Do any of you think it could be the arrogance of it? Ciara thinking that she is much better looking than her/ their friend or just knowing that her man would never that it doesn't matter.

I wouldn't assume it's a matter of her feeling she's better looking.

I'd guess that she's secure in her relationship to the point of believing it doesn't matter. Could be perceived as overly trusting, if there's such a thing. I consider overly trusting people to be naive personally.

 

[Judge Dread]

I have seen people act differently based on the person doing the actions. If they don't perceive the person as a threat they may give them a lot more leeway.

 

[Judge Dread]

I wouldn't assume it's a matter of her feeling she's better looking.

I'd guess that she's secure in her relationship to the point of believing it doesn't matter. Could be perceived as overly trusting, if there's such a thing. I consider overly trusting people to be naive personally.

What is the your definition of overly trusting?

 

[Golden]

I have seen people act differently based on the person doing the actions. If they don't perceive the person as a threat they may give them a lot more leeway.

True. When I was young, I used to be okay with things like this even if it involved the most beautiful woman in the world. My logic was that if he's truly committed, I have no reason to be threatened and I can have trust as long as a line isn't crossed from innocent flirtation to violation of monogamous relationship.

So when people say they'd be cool with it, I assume that they have the mindset that I once did. That in a relationship with trust, you don't have to worry bout friendliness or innocent flirtation leading to or signifying anything.

What is the your definition of overly trusting?

Always giving the benefit of the doubt, maybe? Thinking you can put infidelity past your partner (or anyone, for the matter)? The whole 'so and so would never' mindset is overly trusting imo.

Yes ma'am, that has happened to many relationships that "thought" they were cool with a little flirting or may have been curious to the "open relationship" idea.

The key to figuring out if you are truly about that life, is to imagine with worst in that situation and ask yourself if you are 'cool' with that.

Thinking ahead to the end result of having a partially free or open relationship is the best way to "truly" find out if you are down for any of it.
If you are not ok with them two having sex, which would be the worst case scenario in this situation, then you should not be ok with her sitting on his lap.

Now that doesn't mean he WILL have sex with her, but... that is always an option right? That door is cracked open just a little bit more with her sitting on his lap or being super flirty correct? That is how everyone else is looking at it as well. Which is why most are like H3ll naw! haha.

Now, this is my outlook.

 

[Judge Dread]

True. When I was young, I used to be okay with things like this even if it involved the most beautiful woman in the world. My logic was that if he's truly committed, I have no reason to be threatened and I can have trust as long as a line isn't crossed from innocent flirtation to violation of monogamous relationship.

So when people say they'd be cool with it, I assume that they have the mindset that I once did. That in a relationship with trust, you don't have to worry bout friendliness or innocent flirtation leading to or signifying anything.

Now, this is my outlook.

Always giving the benefit of the doubt, maybe? Never taking precautions? Being too accommodating?

But you also are a person that supports going through the persons phone. Forgive me but I am trying to see where your trust begins and ends. I view you as a new e friend so don't bite.

 

[Golden]

But you also are a person that supports going through the persons phone. Forgive me but I am trying to see where your trust begins and ends. I view you as a new e friend so don't bite.

Nah it's cool. Key words:

True. When I was young,

In other words, that aint my view no mo. Lol

I was referencing the mindset I used to have because it might be consistent with the reasoning of some of those who are cool with this kinda thing.

 

[NeighborhoodNomad]

A "Free" relationship. I like the way you described that @Reesey

 

[Judge Dread]

@Reesey can you make a separate thread about free unions. I think that would be an interesting topic. I know several people that have 1 queen but several woman but I think there realationships are one sided as they never discuss the woman having 1 king but several men.