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Girlfriend ex or old friend moved to my neighborhood? How to deal with situation?

J

Jrez

New Member
Me and my girlfriend been together for 3 years. We both 34. About two months ago when she was coming to my apartment building she ran into some guy from her old neighborhood leaving out of my building that she was sexually involved with years ago. He spoke and said how you doing and kept going about his business. At first when she told me about the guy she said he was some annoying guy that lived in her old neighborhood that always kept speaking to her. Later on that same day she admitted that something did happen with them sexually but only one time. It happened years before we met



When she showed me the guy it wind up being the new guy that either lives in my building now or coming to see someone in my building. I’m not sure. I see the guy pretty often but not everyday. I also seen him with a baby before a few times and also seen him leaving out my building with a woman sometimes too. I found out the woman is his girlfriend and they have 2 kids.


Here’s where the the weird part comes into play. One day I went to the corner store and a few guys I know was in there. My girlfriend ex or whatever we going to call this guy came in the store and he happened to know one of the guys I was talking to in the store. To make a long story short we all wind up in a big conversation for about 10 minutes about random topics

A few weeks later I was coming home and I ran into the guy again that used to date my girlfriend. He spoke to me, he said what’s up and asked me how I’m doing and that’s it. Now every time he sees me he speaks. It’s just awkward because it’s someone my girlfriend had been with in the past or one night stand or whatever. I don’t know if he knows that I know him and her used to date


Here’s where it gets more weird. One day me and my girlfriend was coming in the building and we seen him. He spoke to me as usual. This was strange because I was assuming my girlfriend would ask me about me and him speaking. When we got upstairs she didn’t mention it. Instead she was laughing about some lady sitting in front of my building with a big dog.

We ran into him again another day and he spoke to me. My girlfriend still never mentioned it or asked me about it. Instead she joked about something that happened earlier in the day.


It’s been two weeks now and my girlfriend has yet to ask me about me and him speaking. It’s just a awkward situation for me. Has anyone been in this situation before where your boyfriend/ girlfriend ex or somebody who they had a one night stand with live or visiting your neighborhood? If so how did you deal with it?





Another question should I continue to speak to this guy or try to avoid him?

Now if it was the other way around I would feel odd about my girlfriend speaking to one of my ex’s or someone I had a one night stand with in the past
 
Based on everything you wrote, I wouldn't make it a bigger deal than it is.

Homie seems to have moved on with another chick and has kids with shorty. Your girl doesn't care enough to even pay it any mind.

I wouldn't make it an issue unless she gave me a reason to, ie her and homie chillin together, etc.
 
Don’t over think it.
I think out of habit, once we have a conversation with people or something of that nature, when we see them we automatically wave or say hello.

She’s most likely not asking because after realizing he clearly most likely lives over there, eventually y’all are going to at least say hey, nod, or something.
 
Goldie said:
Based on everything you wrote, I wouldn't make it a bigger deal than it is.

Homie seems to have moved on with another chick and has kids with shorty. Your girl doesn't care enough to even pay it any mind.

I wouldn't make it an issue unless she gave me a reason to, ie her and homie chillin together, etc.
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ChicagoFigure said:
So far it sounds like everything is going as smooth as possible. Seems to be no cause for concern.

Unless u have good reason i wouldnt even bring it up to the dude or harass ur girl about it.

Be happy theres no drama and that dude seems to keep it moving and respectful.
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Duwop said:
don't stress it.

homie seem cool enough, shit happens....i wouldn't trip at all

he seem mature, and your girl seem unbothered.....
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Meeks said:
Don’t over think it.
I think out of habit, once we have a conversation with people or something of that nature, when we see them we automatically wave or say hello.

She’s most likely not asking because after realizing he clearly most likely lives over there, eventually y’all are going to at least say hey, nod, or something.
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Not sure if this is important but another thing I meant to mention is we kind of have a mutual friend. He knows a dude named Rah from my hood that I’m cool with. He doesn’t know that I know that but I found out when I was chillin with one of my homies and Rah. I never mentioned to Rah that the dude used to mess around with my girlfriend in the past.
I’m afraid that if I do that he may go ask the dude what happened with him and my girl in the past.

Rah is not a close friend. I actually know him from one of my close friends. In a way I was tell Rah about it because I was a little curious about it but at the same time I don’t want him going back to ask the dude what happened in the past and then my girlfriend business be out there.

I also thought about mentioning to the dude about the mutual friend but not sure if that’s a good idea either
 
Jrez said:
Not sure if this is important but another thing I meant to mention is we kind of have a mutual friend. He knows a dude named Rah from my hood that I’m cool with. He doesn’t know that I know that but I found out when I was chillin with one of my homies and Rah. I never mentioned to Rah that the dude used to mess around with my girlfriend in the past.
I’m afraid that if I do that he may go ask the dude what happened with him and my girl in the past.

Rah is not a close friend. I actually know him from one of my close friends. In a way I was tell Rah about it because I was a little curious about it but at the same time I don’t want him going back to ask the dude what happened in the past and then my girlfriend business be out there.

I also thought about mentioning to the dude about the mutual friend but not sure if that’s a good idea either
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Unless theres some suspicious ass shit ur leaving out i'd leave it alone man.

That shit could make u crazy and make something out of nothin n fuck up the whole relationship over what potentially is a non issue.

I mean whats there to ask if its all in the past?
 
Jrez said:
Not sure if this is important but another thing I meant to mention is we kind of have a mutual friend. He knows a dude named Rah from my hood that I’m cool with. He doesn’t know that I know that but I found out when I was chillin with one of my homies and Rah. I never mentioned to Rah that the dude used to mess around with my girlfriend in the past.
I’m afraid that if I do that he may go ask the dude what happened with him and my girl in the past.

Rah is not a close friend. I actually know him from one of my close friends. In a way I was tell Rah about it because I was a little curious about it but at the same time I don’t want him going back to ask the dude what happened in the past and then my girlfriend business be out there.

I also thought about mentioning to the dude about the mutual friend but not sure if that’s a good idea either
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Nah, don’t.

Funny thing is he may not even recall fucking with your girl especially if it was a one night stand, lol. I truly believe you need to process what it is you feel and move on from it.

Ask yourself, do you prefer your girl focus on the fact that you and dude talk? If so, what benefit would the both of you get out of that?

You and him aren’t best friends, ya’ll aren’t homies..just neighbors if anything.

Are you feeling some way about her saying that they were just friends and then she comes out and tells you they slept together at least once? We tend to not tell the whole truth when we assume our mates will react a negative way, doesn’t make it alright but it happens.

Seems he moved on, has a whole life and so does she.
 
Thats probably some shit that happened a decade ago.. and they dont sound like they were ever serious.
Your lady 34, common sense is she fucked some dudes before you. This one is a non-problem ... he has 2 whole kids with a completely different girl, he’s in a different space in his life.
Consider it a good outcome that you two can share space and have the utmost civil behavior, this story could be a lot different. The only thing that could endanger your relationship is you playing into that insecurity.
 
Black_Samson said:
Yall not telling him what he wants to hear.

Even tho what he is reading is solid advice.

So why dont yall ask that man why he wants her to react from a state of anxiety and or with histrionics?

Just an idea.

There in you will figure out your best course of advice.
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Yup. He must have some reason to think his girl doing nothing at all is shady.

Theres something this nigga not telling us lol.
 
My one and only concern in this situation was the fact that your woman felt the need to downplay dude as someone annoying from back inna day instead of being up front about who he is. There's always a chance that you're going to run across someone from back inna day with your s/o if you still live in the same area, might as well be up front about who that person is/was in your life and keep it moving. Not doing this means you have something to hide, and if she revealed after-the-fact that they fucked, there's a chance she's left other details out.

Every time I've ever run across some broad I used to fuck with I always told whomever I was with exactly who she was. My ex used to work with a chick I had a full-blown relationship with and the day I came up there to pick her up from work and they came out together I let her know we were a couple a year prior to that and we've just been cool since and ole girl let her know the same and that we remained friends since. Never had a problem after that.
 
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