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Am I the a$$hole: wife with secret bank account

Saving ain't the issue.

Her not telling him is.

And her reasoning is worse.

My wife stash money too.... But she's open as fuck about it. And I'm like that shits a good idea. She's always offering to go into the deep savings. I'm like naw you keep that. That shit only comes out if something happens to me.... Or if niggaz bout to be homeless
 
I think it's very important for women to have a stash.

It's up to them if they let their man know it exists though. I can understand either decision on that.

But it needs to be said my wife lets me know about hers ??‍♂️
 
I think it's very important for women to have a stash.

It's up to them if they let their man know it exists though. I can understand either decision on that.

But it needs to be said my wife lets me know about hers ??‍♂️
Shouldn't be just because she's a woman.

They should both have their own money. Male or female
 
just because you come into a relationship with a plan for what MAY happen don’t mean you Necessarily think it will or expect it to fail. There’s no convincing me that being prepared is not a good thing. Relationships aren’t guaranteed. Some people don’t come out on a good side if the relationship does happen to fail.

Do you go into a job thinking one day you may get laid off or fired? No, but does that stop you from saving money just in case you lose your job so that you can still pay your mortgage/rent/bills? No.

Ain’t nothing wrong with being prepared for whatever life MAY throw at you. I bet some people wishing they saved some money to keep their homes because COVID hit and people lost their jobs. Have a plan for the unexpected.

PREPARED>>>>>>>>
 
And if you read my other comments you will see I said I think he should save as well. Like @Meeks said it may not even have to do with the relationship failing. Ain’t nothing wrong with anybody having a back up plan, back up stash, whatever. If you’re in a marriage it should be communicated. But I already said that too.
 
just because you come into a relationship with a plan for what MAY happen don’t mean you Necessarily think it will. There’s no convincing me that being prepared is not a good thing. Relationships aren’t guaranteed. Some people don’t come out on a good side if the relationship does happen to fail.

Do you go into a job thinking one day you may get laid off or fired? No, but does that stop you from saving money just in case you lose your job so that you can still pay your mortgage/rent/bills? No.

Ain’t nothing wrong with being prepared for whatever life MAY throw at you. I bet some people wishing they saved some money to keep their homes because COVID hit and people lost their jobs. Have a plan for the unexpected.

PREPARED>>>>>>>>
I think we're getting caught up in the being prepared in case shit goes wrong pov

I'm on the side with koncept but forget that, why the deceit. This is the issue. Why not discuss this before marriage?
 
I think we're getting caught up in the being prepared in case shit goes wrong pov

I'm on the side with koncept but forget that, why the deceit. This is the issue. Why not discuss this before marriage?
I’ve already said she should’ve told him. I said the shit like 3 times.
 
I think we're getting caught up in the being prepared in case shit goes wrong pov

I'm on the side with koncept but forget that, why the deceit. This is the issue. Why not discuss this before marriage?
Maybe she should’ve communicated it with him and it might not have been an issue.
I agree a conversation should’ve been had because even if he was against it. It was brought to the light.
We agree that she should’ve said something.
. I think she should’ve told him about it.
If you’re in a marriage it should be communicated. But I already said that too.
 
i agreed with everything up to "its her money"

its the households money until a discussion is had about how to divide the money

And I disagree.
It’s HER money, it doesn’t seem like the bills aren’t being paid. He simply has an issue with her having money in a savings account that he didn’t know about. Not one marriage in the world would make me feel differently.
 
Then again, I don’t necessarily hide things like this. What’s in my savings account is in there and this gives off the vibe like maybe she felt like if he knew she had it he would try to force her to give him money from it.

Too many what ifs and I’ve ran out of fucks to give lol ??‍♀️
 
And I disagree.
It’s HER money, it doesn’t seem like the bills aren’t being paid. He simply has an issue with her having money in a savings account that he didn’t know about. Not one marriage in the world would make me feel differently.
If you're only saying it's her money because it's her name in HR that is earning the money, then we agree there

However, when you are married, unless there has been a conversation that was understood by both parties that the finances will remain separate, then you can't think this way
 
just because you come into a relationship with a plan for what MAY happen don’t mean you Necessarily think it will or expect it to fail. There’s no convincing me that being prepared is not a good thing. Relationships aren’t guaranteed. Some people don’t come out on a good side if the relationship does happen to fail.

Do you go into a job thinking one day you may get laid off or fired? No, but does that stop you from saving money just in case you lose your job so that you can still pay your mortgage/rent/bills? No.

Ain’t nothing wrong with being prepared for whatever life MAY throw at you. I bet some people wishing they saved some money to keep their homes because COVID hit and people lost their jobs. Have a plan for the unexpected.

PREPARED>>>>>>>>
How about saving........Just save. Call it rainy day fund.
Calling it prepared adds something negative.

If we both agree to "save". In separate accounts.....Do what you want with it.

But this sounds like she would need multiple account cuz she would need spending money.

With all this prep .....Was the same energy put into making sure the marraige works?

At the end of the day...Signs and red flags pop up. No one is truly fully blindsided in my eyes. They choose to ignore or overlook shit

And like I said..... I need a reason why she has a just in case account. What have I done to make her feel this way? If it's because other women been left with nothing......She's living the negative aspects of other people's relationships and bring that shit to ours. So much wrong with this......But if the reason is on this basis I'm out.
 
Thing is...

Her deep savings is already of limits to me.

I don't wanna see statements, I don't wanna know how much is in the. I never ask to borrow from it. That's hers and hers alone.

Again....she offers to pull from it every now n then... But I'm firm..... Not unless I'm gone, or we finna be homeless. Keep that shit to yourself
 
If you're only saying it's her money because it's her name in HR that is earning the money, then we agree there

However, when you are married, unless there has been a conversation that was understood by both parties that the finances will remain separate, then you can't think this way

Married and all sir, I’m a grown ass woman. MY savings account is exactly what it is, MINE.
 
And I say this because I’m all for us having one account we both put money into for bills and having our own separate savings account.

I like shopping when I want to and I do not like anyone micromanaging MY money, spouse or not.
 
safe to say from a males perspective - if you and your woman decide to do an all in joint account - assume she has a secret stash (which is ok)

just make sure you have yours too
 
This aint bout the secret account, i already said I support that.

This is about being married but having my own money.

I cant wrap my head around having seperate accounts shit.

Me having my money and her having her money is a crazy concept to me. I never talk about my financials here, but really, I do real good. And chances are, my wife wont make as much money as me. Hope im wrong, but im just playing the law of averages for this post.

In my situation, if I get married and we keep seperate accounts, it can be a situation where I can be really well off and she just average. Like how does that make sense? How can I be married and im rich but my wife broke?

The opposite is true too. Imagine my wife having enough to comfortably go to vacation, but im living pay check to pay check.

I know this is the way now, but its just super weird to me.

Just dont get married. Its that simple.
 
Parents were married for almost 50 years.


They never had joint accounts............and they only filed joint taxes once.


The one time they did file jointly, they ended up owing money.........so they never did it again.




Oprah there it is clip.gif
 
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