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Am I the a$$hole: wife with secret bank account

Long post, but as always, full of real shit

Before I read the comments, let me tell yall a
contridiction I live by.

My boy married his wife when she got pregnant. They both had nothing. He was first working 15 hours a day driving a limo to provide. Then he came up and got into a great job paying him 95k. The whole time she took care of the baby, and then he paid for preschool while she went to college and finish school. She did and now she working. This aint me trying to shit on her at all. They both good people.

But, in the middle of all that, her mother died. She got 100k in life insurance money. After they mourned, he told her his ideas on what to do with that money. She told him that this was her just in case money and she wont touch it. So up until that moment, everything was their money. When he was providing. Soon as this insurance check hit, it became her money.

When my boy came to me for advice, i told him to divorce her. Keep in mind, I never gave any advice to a person to leave their S/O. Ever. Always told mfers to figure it out cause the other side is trash. But in this case, i was like yo divorce her. Cause I was working 15 hour days to make money for US, then even paid for our child to be in mfing preschool so you could finish school, but now that you got a check, its your money? Fuck wrong with you?

With that said, they stayed together. Which is great. They both good people. And once she finished school and got a job, both their earnings are theirs to share. Everything but that insurance money.

Now heres the contradiction. See how mad I was bout the situation up top? With that in mind, I tell all my female cousins and my sister to always have a secret account and save money without their husbands knowing.

So yea, I understand women doing this, and they should, just dont do it to me.
 
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She's an idiot.

Soon as he finds out about the secret stash she supposed to say it's for vacation or money towards the new home/car.

I would've been like thanks for ruining the surprise, geez...

Dope shit. This is how relationships last forever.

I love a chick smart enough to say the right thing. Showing the smarts to say the right thing is more attractive than doing the right thing to me.

I just love smarts.

And before yall trip, this is for little shit, not some flagrant shit like cheating. Cheating gets my girl shot regardless of all the right shit she says
 
I'm all about honesty. That's kinda where a lot of things begin and end with me.

If we agree to put ALL our money into a joint account and merge our finances, then I find out that you are keeping money on the side for yourself...while I'm not...I'd have a BIG issue with that. I'd feel lied to. That seems really simple to me.

Seems way easier to just say in the beginning, 'Yeah, let's merge our finances. But I'm gonna keep 10% of my income and put it away in a separate account just as an 'in case shit happens' account. You should do the same.'. That allows her to secure herself, without being a sneaky liar who's financially manipulating her husband.
 
Dope shit. This is how relationships last forever.

I love a chick smart enough to say the right thing. Showing the smarts to say the right thing is more attractive than doing the right thing to me.

I just love smarts.

And before yall trip, this is for little shit, not some flagrant shit like cheating. Cheating gets my girl shot regardless of all the right shit she says

Lol well...you don’t get to draw that integrity line for her and the smarter she is the longer it’ll take you to discover flagrant shit
 
He's being a buster. Can't be mad at her for doing the smart thing. But taking out money retroactively is some hoe shit.

But that's why she was moving how she was moving so that's okay. She covered.
 
If you embezzling money because I might leave.....We don't need to be together.
Cuz if you can't point out times my character has shown I would do such a thing or you didn't bring up that I'm moving funny.......fuck ya
Stop watching basketball wives
 
I mean i get puttin that money to the side as a "Break Glass In Case of Emergency"

Now if she was on some "This is MY money, and you're not allowed to touch it" type deal...then we got problems.
 
I'm all about honesty. That's kinda where a lot of things begin and end with me.

If we agree to put ALL our money into a joint account and merge our finances, then I find out that you are keeping money on the side for yourself...while I'm not...I'd have a BIG issue with that. I'd feel lied to. That seems really simple to me.

Seems way easier to just say in the beginning, 'Yeah, let's merge our finances. But I'm gonna keep 10% of my income and put it away in a separate account just as an 'in case shit happens' account. You should do the same.'. That allows her to secure herself, without being a sneaky liar who's financially manipulating her husband.

Hunna.

Last paragraph seems super logical to me but then I've never had a serious relationship so I don't kno' why people don't do it
 
No relationship is guaranteed. I think it’s smart of her to have a back up plan. I bet a lot of women wish they did. Maybe she should’ve communicated it with him and it might not have been an issue. I think he should start putting money in his account and if they can afford the 40% taken away. Go for it.

Walking into a relationship preparing for it's demise will only bring about said demise. 4 years in and she's got $25k, working through your problems suddenly don't look too appealing. 8 years in and it's $50k, now every time y'all have a disagreement over what to eat or watch on tv has you thinking "I ain't gotta put up with this, I got enough money I can bounce tomorrow". Having a "backup plan" make you more reluctant to really work on the marriage because in the back of your head you know you can just dip and your shit is tight.
 
This is funny.
A nice “let’s go our own separate ways” is fine.
If we want to be real, everyone should have money for a “just in case” and that just in case doesn’t even have to be the relationship failing.

Anyway, this is only a glimpse of their shit. She may have seen some red flags that made her feel like she needs to save money for the reasons she said. Been there, done that. It’s her money and he can do the same.
??‍♀️
 
Walking into a relationship preparing for it's demise will only bring about said demise. 4 years in and she's got $25k, working through your problems suddenly don't look too appealing. 8 years in and it's $50k, now every time y'all have a disagreement over what to eat or watch on tv has you thinking "I ain't gotta put up with this, I got enough money I can bounce tomorrow". Having a "backup plan" make you more reluctant to really work on the marriage because in the back of your head you know you can just dip and your shit is tight.
prepared >>>>>
All that other stuff you typed aren’t facts. Just because someone has that much money doesn’t mean they won’t work through problems.
 
prepared >>>>>
All that other stuff you typed aren’t facts. Just because someone has that much money doesn’t mean they won’t work through problems.

It de-incentivises working through marital problems. When there's an escape plan and resources in place, the individual holding it, especially in secret, has less of a reason to "work it out", especially if whatever the issue is ain't that person's fault. And to come into the marriage and expecting it to fail from day 1 is a terrible mindset to have.
 
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