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OPINION Leading cause for divorce.

ok, forget the college comparison...

jeesh....

My point is people have to take accountability for their actions and stop blaming "marriage" itself for why their marriage didn't work...

while i agree marriage isn't for everybody....i do feel that you have to be willing to and regularly put your all into it for your own health.....

yes marriages are about two people.... but there's nothing worse than wondering if you had tried harder, cared more, been more understanding.....anything u know you could have done better and ot done for whatever reason.....could things have worked out better...

you owe it to yourself to go all in......

that's my point....

people duck accountability they'll blame a mobile app for destroying their relationship, or a blame a facebook group before admitting that they fucked up...

you gotta be willing to put the work in
 
King Du said:
ok, forget the college comparison...

jeesh....

My point is people have to take accountability for their actions and stop blaming "marriage" itself for why their marriage didn't work...

while i agree marriage isn't for everybody....i do feel that you have to be willing to and regularly put your all into it for your own health.....

yes marriages are about two people.... but there's nothing worse than wondering if you had tried harder, cared more, been more understanding.....anything u know you could have done better and ot done for whatever reason.....could things have worked out better...

you owe it to yourself to go all in......

that's my point....

people duck accountability they'll blame a mobile app for destroying their relationship, or a blame a facebook group before admitting that they fucked up...

you gotta be willing to put the work in
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marriage is at the end of the day just an institution. 2 marriages can look very different and the only thing they got in common is a contract.

people need to individualize shit and take accountability.
 
No one takes marriage that seriously anymore. People don’t need to be with each other anymore. It is way to easy to survive on your own. I could be miserable by myself mentality. People would rather give up on a situation than fight through it. There are so many reasons to leave but not enough to stay. People confuse compromise with settling. So when there is a problem they view it as I am not settling for this/that.
 
Germs said:
What are talking about?
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you're saying that after the first 3 years at best, marriage includes a whole lot of settling for things which would otherwise be dealbreakers and that it's just a matter of being too hard to leave. if it was the 50s I'd grant you that but you can self-file divorces now.

it is fixable.
 
BNE said:
you're saying that after the first 3 years at best, marriage includes a whole lot of settling for things which would otherwise be dealbreakers and that it's just a matter of being too hard to leave. if it was the 50s I'd grant you that but you can self-file divorces now.

it is fixable.
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I was giving my opinion of why marriages fail. But see the self file divorce mentality it is too easy. There is no shame in this world anymore so there is no shame in divorce. It cost 150 if it is not contested and people just don’t want to work through things. It is that simple. People just don’t want to work through things that the6 would have in the past.
 
Yeah...basically its fight or flight when your marriage starts to get rough...and unfortunately most decide to flee...
 
Judge Dread said:
I was giving my opinion of why marriages fail. But see the self file divorce mentality it is too easy. There is no shame in this world anymore so there is no shame in divorce. It cost 150 if it is not contested and people just don’t want to work through things. It is that simple. People just don’t want to work through things that the6 would have in the past.
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there's nothing wrong with your opinion. I just disagree with it strongly.
 
BNE said:
you're saying that after the first 3 years at best, marriage includes a whole lot of settling for things which would otherwise be dealbreakers and that it's just a matter of being too hard to leave. if it was the 50s I'd grant you that but you can self-file divorces now.

it is fixable.
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That's not what I said..I said the first 2 to 3 years of marriage..the honeymoon period. Is usually the general idea of what people expect marriage to be.

After that, is where actually having to work on overcoming things that never were an issue before. Be comes a fight or flight thing. It's not settling on things, it's working through things and some people would rather cut and run than work.

It's not about normalizing misery. Because believe it or not, no matter how much u love someone. At some points in marriage they are going to make u miserable with something that they do. And u have to choose to work on it with them or let it lead to behavior that can lead u both to divorce.

No one is saying u have to stay with someone that makes u hate ur own existence.
 
And when I said to actually deal with the fact that I can't just up and leave.

I meant in a relationship u can just cut ties and leave easily.

Where with marriage after 3 years together, the economics of it make it not as easy.

That makes people resent their spouse more when things go wrong because they feel stuck, which leads to things like adulterous behavior and mental and physical abuse

Which lead to divorce
 
BNE said:
there's nothing wrong with your opinion. I just disagree with it strongly.
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You don’t see it as too easy? For right or wrong divorce was not allowed in certain cultures at all. I am not saying it was right but it was what it was. Also people needed each other for various reasons. Now the need is gone completely. I want to be with my wife but I need her to complete my family. The thought of my family not being together supercedes everything else. It stops me from doing certain things and it gets me to overlook a lot of things. We have made a covenant with each other beyond a marriage certificate that we will do everything in our power to stay together. We talk about cheating and both agree that it wouldn’t be the end all to be all. When initially we both said that would end the relationship. We believe that there is pretty much nothing that would automatically qualify as a reason for us not to be together.(short of me putting hands on her) and I told her if I did that I would leave.
 
Race Jones said:
here’s an easy solution:



don’t get married


there, problem solved.

View attachment 14116
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obtuse.jpg
 
Judge Dread said:
You don’t see it as too easy? For right or wrong divorce was not allowed in certain cultures at all. I am not saying it was right but it was what it was. Also people needed each other for various reasons. Now the need is gone completely. I want to be with my wife but I need her to complete my family. The thought of my family not being together supercedes everything else. It stops me from doing certain things and it gets me to overlook a lot of things. We have made a covenant with each other beyond a marriage certificate that we will do everything in our power to stay together. We talk about cheating and both agree that it wouldn’t be the end all to be all. When initially we both said that would end the relationship. We believe that there is pretty much nothing that would automatically qualify as a reason for us not to be together.(short of me putting hands on her) and I told her if I did that I would leave.
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I don't see it as too easy. I see it as the opposite. If divorce is made more difficult, it isn't gonna result in more family reunification or anything. It's just gonna keep together people who, with full free-will, would likely have split. That isn't a good thing in my opinion, for them as families or for society. I think you and I just have very different views on this, because cheating is grounds for automatically ending a marriage of any length in my book.
 
BNE said:
I don't see it as too easy. I see it as the opposite. If divorce is made more difficult, it isn't gonna result in more family reunification or anything. It's just gonna keep together people who, with full free-will, would likely have split. That isn't a good thing in my opinion, for them as families or for society. I think you and I just have very different views on this, because cheating is grounds for automatically ending a marriage of any length in my book.
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this

in Louisiana, if you have a child, you have to wait a calendar year from the time you file. When it was made into law, the intent was that the parents would reconcile

Last session, someone wanted to shorten it to the same 6 month period that people with no kids have to wait. They found out that in the 10yrs or so the law has been enacted, only one couple reconciled. Their point was you are making some very hostile situations even more hostile by prolonging the process

Can you guess what these old cacs did to that amendment? Yep...it failed, so now you still have to wait a calendar year if you have kids if you want to divorce
 
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