OPINION Friends of the opposite sex and S/O

[Eartha Clit]

Is it really fair for your s/o to have to drop their opposite sex friends (or best friend) when they get into a relationship with you?


What if they’ve been friends for years, way before y’all met, does that change anything?

 

[Duwop]

Is it really fair for your s/o to have to drop their opposite sex friends (or best friend) when they get into a relationship with you?


What if they’ve been friends for years, way before y’all met, does that change anything?

any true friend would respect your relationship and fall back the second your s/o felt threatened in the least.....

 

[Eartha Clit]

So once they get into a relationship with someone, it’s basically fuck my friend because my s/o is threatened?

What if they are just hella insecure. Does our friendship mean nothing?

 

[Eartha Clit]

It’s confusing as fuck because say me and Bill been friends for years. This is my homie. He always got my back and I start dating Jack and Jack don’t like Bill just because. I gotta drop Bill (my ace boon) because Jack just don’t like him?

 

[Eartha Clit]

Why Bill gotta back off when he ain’t even do shit?

 

[Duwop]

So once they get into a relationship with someone, it’s basically fuck my friend because my s/o is threatened?

What if they are just hella insecure. Does our friendship mean nothing?

friends wanna see friends happy...

if i had a female friend who i was dumb cool with, and her man felt funny, and she told me, i'd respectfully fall back, i don't want to have nothing to do with anything that leads to them having an argument.

we as just friends can only be but so close.....what two people in a relationship can develop can be much deeper....i ain't tryna get in the way of that for anybody...

 

[Duwop]

Why Bill gotta back off when he ain’t even do shit?

just the dynamic of friendships.

i had quite a few female friends before i hooked up with my wife.....

after we started talking, i cut a lot of them back.....not one was angry or even misunderstood.....


my closest female friend fell back on her own, we still hung out and chill from time to time, but we don't talk like we did when i was single.....

some people just have a lotta respect for relationships.....

i definitely do....

 

[Eartha Clit]

friends wanna see friends happy..

I agree with this but what if them falling back makes them unhappy. What if it’s an everyday or weekly routine to talk to this friend or go hang out and y’all shoot the breeze and then a new person comes and snatches that from you?

Now the friend is unhappy because their friendship has to change.

 

[Duwop]

I agree with this but what if them falling back makes them unhappy. What if it’s an everyday or weekly routine to talk to this friend or go hang out and y’all shoot the breeze and then a new person comes and snatches that from you?

Now the friend is unhappy because their friendship has to change.

then i would argue the relationship really ain't working..

a relationship is about building a friendship with that person anyway..

so if you're cutting back your friends and your s/o ain't filling that void.... there's a problem....

 

[Eartha Clit]

just the dynamic of friendships.

i had quite a few female friends before i hooked up with my wife.....

after we started talking, i cut a lot of them back.....not one was angry or even misunderstood.....


my closest female friend fell back on her own, we still hung out and chill from time to time, but we don't talk like we did when i was single.....

some people just have a lotta respect for relationships.....

i definitely do....

I have respect for relationships too. I’m the fall back friend. However, I can’t say it didn’t bother me. Why couldn’t there be a compromise or something? Idk.

The friend just gotta take the hit which ain’t fair. Especially if you not sure if that relationship gon last. It’s a chance I’ll fall back and get used to not talking to you or whatever the case and the relationship not work, the friendship might not even be the same.

 

[Duwop]

it's organic tho...

you play it all according to the person and a case by case scenario....

everybody ain't gotta be cut off, some people absolutely gotta get cut off, but females tend to depend on their male friends for male shit.....if homie in a relationship, that's not ur man....so u gotta let his lady use him for male shit, and u be better off finding another male... it might be tough, butit is what it is....

you can't think like

"they might not even last" that's negative thinking....

think "they might fuck around n get married one day"...and if that is someone's potential partner forever.....you gotta let them rock......

 

[Eartha Clit]

And when they get married, I can’t even come to the wedding because she made him cut me off or I had to fall back. That ain’t nice, friends wanna see friends happy. I wanna see my friend happy ass walking down the aisle too.

 

[Duwop]

And when they get married, I can’t even come to the wedding because she made him cut me off or I had to fall back. That ain’t nice, friends wanna see friends happy. I wanna see my friend happy ass walking down the aisle too.

that's a bit extra,

i invited all my close female friends to my wedding......they were all there took pictures with my wife, smiled congratulated her and us... bought nice gifts....


they ain't gotta be cut out your life, but people in relationships can't move like single folk move....certain things have to be adjusted and changed

 

[Duwop]

i'll use one of my best friends as an example.
we went to college together.

she's nice looking, tall, light eyes, real laid back personality....she has a demeanor that projects a mean swerve game....so i never tried to holla at her, but she was on my floor freshman year, and had mad snacks in her dorm room....once i found that out, we started being cool....she dropped out freshman year, we stayed in touch, i dropped out sophomore year....we still stayed in touch...she lives in jersey, me in bmore....

our conversations always included jokes..talking about people, boxing....her weird fam, my weird family, relationship advice, she had her daughter young, so we talked about struggles of parenting... all of it....

whenever my money was god i head up to phly/ersey, always stop by holla at her her family.. they were all good peeps....me and her just never went like that....we were always just friends.... never had a reason to even suggest anything else.... just cool as shit..whenever i crashed in philly/jersey her couch was always there.....

when i met my wife, she always heard about her, and when we went to AC for a comedy show, they met, and got along fine....

now before my wife, i would head up to jersey/philly prolly like 8+ times a year......every time they had a get together at the crib, ehr or her sister.....or a cookout over the summer....anytime we threw shit down here she'd come thru....we talked like 4-5 times a week....prolly the 3rd or 4th most person i talked to......

as time went on....she fell back.... not outta spite, or demand, or even request....wife never felt threatened... it just was a different dynamic the further my relationship developed. we still see eachother once or twice a year...... but as time goes on shit changes...

i had some friends that got right out defensive, butter and angry that i was cutting them back as time went on.....mainly my sister, and my homeboy charlie.... but my homegirl, and my other oy naldo....the two who i would prolly consider my best friends....they understood and respectfully declared their own distance....as did i with everybody who ever got in a relationship...


now chicks who i knew i was trying to, or have aggressively tried to smash at some point, but we just ended up being cool.....yea they got cut back almost immediately.....there's no reason to even explain that one...i ain't keeping around a chick i know i woulda taken a shot at trying to smash given a strong opportunity around as friends...they just people i who i know.....

but true friends...yea....i feel like they're always gonna take a respectable back seat to a strong relationship

 

[Duwop]

she had like one boyfriend who was cool a shit..and he was a steelers fan, so we instantly clashesd/but really got along...

ravens played steelers for thanksgiving one year, all 4 of us went.....it was a blast....

Spoiler: their faces are covered.....mostly cuz it was cold tho....

 

[Eartha Clit]

See, that’s what I’m talking about. Why we can’t all just be cool?! Especially if there is no need to be threatened. I understand stuff will change, that’s a huge given but to have to cut them off completely, unfair and unjust.

 

[Duwop]

See, that’s what I’m talking about. Why we can’t all just be cool?! Especially if there is no need to be threatened. I understand stuff will change, that’s a huge given but to have to cut them off completely, unfair and unjust.

depends on the relationship...i had one friend who i met cuz i was tryna to holla at her.....

but she was a bit younger than i fet comfortable with.... btu she got mad attached to me...so we stayed cool, i was like 20 when i met her, i was working at the airport....she was 16.....i knew plenty of niggaz that said that wasn't shit... but i was like naw....

so i friendzoned myself.....whatever....

when she turned 18 we was still cool, but i think i was in a relationship at the time....and by the time i was out mines, she was in one....then when she hit 21 we was still tight and i shot my shot..... but she was like was was friends...so i took it, but i still was mad flirty with her from that point on...like... it was clear we was cool, but given the opportunity... i think we both know it could possibly went down.....it wasn't one of those frown of your face situations "ewwww naw we like family" situations....

now while nuffin ever went down with me and shorty, and we were technically "just friends" i cut her off like almost completely when things got serious with me and the lady...

i've prolly seen her in person....maybe 4 time....talked online/phone................. maybe 10 times in the past 10years... just to check up and se how each other going....

i mean again, yea we was just friends.. btu we knew we weren't close like that....and there was no point in being all extra and going to bat for a friendship that really ain't have the seeds as the previous post

 

[Ironman]

All of my friends that are in relationships have all known eachother since we were in highschool. I was around for the births of a lot of their relationships so I've never had to really deal with that in our circle. When my ex started hanging out with us as a group she knew already that these aren't just people I knew for a short time but, people I've known for years that aren't going anywhere unless some serious bs happens. The only part that was challenging was splitting time between her and them and most times I was with her and they understood the situation.

 

[Judge Dread]

You shouldn’t drop a real friend or even an ex. One of my best friends happens to be someone I used to date. My wife feel a how but there is nothing she can say or do. When my wife needed help with something it just happened to be that person’s field of expertise. My wife begrudgingly let my friend assist. My mother in law RIP had to convince her. It worked out and saved us money,time and effort. My wife sent her a thank you card but refuses to meet her. Trust is important.

 

[Black 🖤]

I had something opposite happen to me.

I had a bestfriend of the opposite sex for many years. I told him everything and he did the same. We confided in each other, gave advice, alluh that. Never had one thought about him sexually or any awkward attraction. He was truly my brother from another mother.

I knew about all of his gfs and all the women he used to talk to. It was one in particular he would always talk about every now and again, even if he was in a relationship with someone. He would tell me how he missed her, how he messed up, and how he took advantage of and hurt such a great person.

Well, I finally told him to just hit her up if he missed her so much. Uhh fst fwd, they got back together. She and I weren't really sociable with each other in the beginning. He would still talk to me about his issues or whatever, but as time moved on, her and I spoke more. We had a lot in common. I started to see how cool of a person she really was.
Usually Id take his side in most cases, but it was bc I only had his version of stories. Now she had begin to confide in me, and I would start to call him out on his wrongings.

He had got so angry with me one day bc I took his girl's side over him. He told me I was his friend, not her, and I could tell he was genuinely hurt by it. He was talking to me as if I had ran his heart over then stomped all over it. He said he felt a little betrayed.

Needless to say, I became closer to her and grew further apart from him. His girlfriend took his bestfriend away.

I miss him:cry:.

Spoiler

Way to go @Remedy :nigga2: