Bad Relationships, Baggage and the Art of Letting Go

[NeighborhoodNomad]

We've all been hurt in past relationships and we all know that holding on to baggage is no good for self or for future relationships. We commonly tell others to "let go" or "get over it" without really advising each other on how to let go or get over it. Because as we all know it's easier said than done.

We all have different experiences and we all have different methods that we have applied or are in the process of applying. So what is/was yours?

How did you let go of the past and allow yourself to love again?

What did you need to do, learn or experience to let go of your past and allow yourself love again?

If you're still in the process of letting go, what things are you doing to let go?

 

[NeighborhoodNomad]

For me it took some growing and maturity to realize that I was really just holding a grudge against myself.

Even though I had already paid for my bad decisions through the cause and effect of those decisions I was still punishing myself for them instead of just embracing the fact that sometimes we fuck up. Basically I was hurt that I ignored my instincts and instead of just learning the lesson and moving on I guarded myself from emotionally connecting and kept everyone at a distance (friends with benefits). I allowed the fear of getting hurt again to emotionally separate me from any real relationships of value.

I had to (force myself at first) to be more open and not fear the what ifs but while always listening to my instincts. And I had to learn to accept that I might get hurt again, but I'll bounce back. I'll be aight. I had to trust in my decision making when it comes to relationships even if I fuck up.

Matter of fact, I haven't mastered it yet. I'm still in the process of being more open. But I now know that I have to be wise about who I choose to be open with and that's where the instincts kick in...

 

[Eartha Clit]

I was just tired and I knew it was time to dead the shit. It wasn’t hard for me to love again. I’m a loving person. I won’t let a relationship take away my ability to love.

 

[Meeks]

After coming out of such a toxic relationship and also now having a child from said relationship, I realized that there's really no need to rush healing to appease others. I am still healing and I've accepted that it will take some time because I want and need to work on becoming a better woman.
Self love and self appreciation is so much more important than I even understood and it has helped me get this far mentally and emotionally.
So I'm not thinking about love right now, I'm just not willing to open up yet.... but lets just say that i'm getting there.

 

[DOS_patos]

i learned what my responsibility was in the environment.

i cant blame the other person for what i allowed.

so because they choose to do what they did.....i have to understand the next person is not the previous person.

and if i do treat the next person bad because of the previous person...then i wasnt ready to move on...and again i have to look at myself.

because at the end of the day...you bringing in baggage...can create a situation that didnt have to be there. then people tend to get mad at the other person for how they reacted when you came in the situation fucked up. so you didnt give the situation a fair chance to be as good as it could have been.

thats how i see it.

 

[NeighborhoodNomad]

After coming out of such a toxic relationship and also now having a child from said relationship, I realized that there's really no need to rush healing to appease others. I am still healing and I've accepted that it will take some time because I want and need to work on becoming a better woman.
Self love and self appreciation is so much more important than I even understood and it has helped me get this far mentally and emotionally.
So I'm not thinking about love right now, I'm just not willing to open up yet.... but lets just say that i'm getting there.

So true. Self love and appreciation comes first before you can even think about loving or being in a relationship with someone else.

 

[NeighborhoodNomad]

i learned what my responsibility was in the environment.

i cant blame the other person for what i allowed.

so because they choose to do what they did.....i have to understand the next person is not the previous person.

and if i do treat the next person bad because of the previous person...then i wasnt ready to move on...and again i have to look at myself.

because at the end of the day...you bringing in baggage...can create a situation that didnt have to be there. then people tend to get mad at the other person for how they reacted when you came in the situation fucked up. so you didnt give the situation a fair chance to be as good as it could have been.

thats how i see it.

Cosign everything you said but those first two sentences are powerful.

 

[NeighborhoodNomad]

@Meeks

What are some ways you've learned to express that love and appreciation for yourself? If you don't mind sharing. Because what you said is important.

Was it all about getting to know yourself more, like being more accepting of yourself, or getting more familiar or intimate with yourself, not just physically but mentally, emotionally or even spiritually?

Or was it something else?

 

[Meeks]

@Meeks

What are some ways you've learned to express that love and appreciation for yourself? If you don't mind sharing. Because what you said is important.

Was it all about getting to know yourself more, like being more accepting of yourself, or getting more familiar or intimate with yourself, not just physically but mentally, emotionally or even spiritually?

Or was it something else?

It was definitely about getting to know myself more. It was also about me wanting to be the best version of myself that I can be for myself and my daughter. When I left her father, that shifted my whole way of thinking honestly. I felt like getting away from someone like that ALIVE was enough for me to understand my worth. I also realized that there were certain things I just wasn't taught growing up and I didn't want my daughter to go through the same thing. Granted, her path will be her path but I believe how I choose to guide her is important. I want her to love herself the way that I should've from the very beginning.

Basically, my daughter is really the reason I got to this point. I can't really explain it but she just changed my life for real. I look at myself and life a totally different way than I did before I had her.

 

[NeighborhoodNomad]